Tuesday, October 19, 2010

You only have one life to live!

“Good Times; Bad Times; You know I had my share...”

Led Zeppelin 1968

The above line from Led Zeppelin was written by the famous rockers 42 years ago and yet, it still has meaning today. I am a fan of Led Zeppelin partly because of my age and my love of screaming guitars, but chiefly because of the depth of wisdom contained in many of their lyrics. Think about the line again, “Good Times; Bad Times; You know I had my share.” Who can say otherwise? Who can say that every day of their life contained nothing but joy, achievement and love, all wrapped up in one big package of goodness. Of course, no one can say that because everyone experiences some darkness in their life from time to time. It is how we deal with the bad times that matters.

If you want success, you must always look forward and you must live your life as though the bad times have very little meaning for you. Set-backs are not permanent road blocks...they are merely reminders that nothing in life comes easily and that every worthwhile endeavour contains an element of risk with no shortage of obstacles. If you anticipate challenges before they occur, your path will be much easier to follow. When faced with a stumbling block, go ahead and stumble or even fall...and then get up, dust yourself off and try again. Sometimes you must adjust your method of approach, but if you constantly keep the end goal in mind, your path will be true and your success will be assured.

People who face obstacles as complete barriers to success will almost always fail. Their lack of determination and courage will hold them back interminably. Projects will never be done well (or done at all) and sadly, those people who dwell on bad times will never be happy. Great leaders and successful people in all areas of human endeavour focus on the good times. They focus on the fact that a positive attitude coupled with a big dose of endurance, patience and persistence will carry them to great heights. They know too, that the world is watching. The world loves people who persevere; the world loves people with chutzpah and the world loves people who move past the bad times as if they never occurred.

In the Led Zeppelin song, lead singer, Robert Plant’s voice trails off into a searing, Jimmy Page guitar riff as he sings, “Well, I still don’t seem to care...” The lyrics of this song are, (perhaps inadvertently) an anthem for leadership. They represent the best of what great leaders carry with them every day. Leaders do not care about bad times, they do not dwell on minor failures, they do not complain about setbacks, and they do not blame others for their own limitations or failings. Real leaders smile at setbacks and laugh out loud as they sail over hurdles. For them all times are good...bad times are only for those who accept and embrace failure or adversity as an excuse or a reason to quit.

The next time you are ready to quit because the challenges seem too great, think about the words to this great rock and roll song and remember that the good times in your life always outnumber the bad.

Life is for living and with good health a life is a century or so of good times to be had. You only have one life to live, so why not make it a good one?

All the Best

Wayne Kehl

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Anger is a killer but happiness can save your life!

Something I have been saying most of my adult life is, “Anger is wasted energy.” As much as that is true, it is only part of the story. Anger can actually bring on poor health and shortened life spans. We all know that anger can bring on lengthy bouts of distress and strained relationships with those closest to us; and I think we would all agree that the feeling of being out of control that often accompanies anger is almost always regretted after the fact. Yet, despite our universal understanding of the futility of anger, most of us still allow it to consume us from time to time.

Your response to anger might be in the form of simple, curt aggressiveness, passive aggressiveness, or white hot, searing hostility. No matter which form you choose, unless the encounter erupts into violence, your anger will almost always do more harm to you than to the object of your anger. Your anger will stay in your mind and become a festering lesion of stress and anxiety that can take weeks or months to heal. While you are fighting your internal demons, the person you are angry with will probably be out and about enjoying life, oblivious to your concerns. At that point, it is only you that will be suffering from the cause of your anger.

On the physical side, people who are often angry may not produce adequate amounts of acetylcholine; the chemical that tempers the effects of the adrenaline produced during bouts of anger. Because their nervous system is working overtime, their constant anger can be the cause of a weakened heart and hardened arteries. They may also suffer from liver and kidney damage as well as heightened cholesterol levels. In fact, studies have shown that individuals with high anger levels have twice the risk of heart disease and three times the risk of heart attack when compared to folks with the lowest anger levels.

Anger management is one aid to better health, but it only has value if handled properly. Unfortunately, one common method of controlling anger is to keep it bottled up while turning it inward. That method is usually referred to as depression, which is potentially as dangerous as anger itself. The key to anger management is balance...lashing out at everything that annoys you is not good, but dealing with the issues that make you angry at or near the time of your angry reaction is an effective method of controlling anger. If another person makes you angry, you must communicate with them. Let them know that you are angry and tell them why. Speak calmly and always be controlled and reasonable. Listen to their point of view and accept that they have a different perspective. By doing this, you will force yourself and the other person to deal with the source of your vexation. It may not always result in an end to the problem, but it will dramatically reduce your stress level and diminish your anger to something more akin to a difference of opinion or simple confusion...which is much less likely to produce negative physical side-effects.

Science also shows us that anger can be controlled through exercise, meditation, humour, or some other diversion that will move our minds to more pleasing thoughts. Once we have moved to another place mentally, the source of our anger will not seem as daunting or offensive when our thoughts return to it again.

Essentially anger is a human response to an external stimulus that can be controlled by our minds. Make the decision now to think deeply about your anger and work toward a life with as little of it as possible. Your body will thank you!

On the happiness front, I am pleased to report that people with high levels of happiness tend to catch colds and influenza less often and present less significant symptoms, (than angry or depressed people) when they do get sick. Happy people generally have lower levels of stress hormones in their blood stream and lower blood pressure. Interestingly, recent studies have shown that listening to pleasing music can improve blood vessel and heart health...probably because it releases relaxing endorphins into the blood stream.

To end this on a very happy note, I must mention the value of laughter...the ultimate expression of happiness. Laughter lowers blood pressure by causing deeper breathing and increased oxygenation to the blood stream. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases infection-fighting antibodies. Laughter is good for your heart because it increases heart rate and pulse. It works out your diaphragm, abdominal muscles, respiratory system, and back muscles. A good laugh can improve digestion and burn calories. Because it stimulates the left side of the brain, laughter can enable easier learning and better information retention while increasing alertness. In short, happiness can lead to a longer healthier life.

Anger or happiness...the choice is obvious!
All the Best!
Wayne Kehl

Learn more about relationships in my book, "Getting Along With People Is Easy!" available at all online booksellers.