Valentine's Day Is For Lovers...Or Is It?

Saint Valentine's Day, commonly known as Valentine's Day, is an annual celebration held on February 14, celebrating love and affection between cherished lovers. The day is named after an early Christian leader and martyr named Saint Valentine, and was established by Pope Galasius I in 496 AD. Now, it is traditionally a day on which devoted partners express their love for each other. However, in stark contrast, the original St. Valentine is remembered for having been executed for his Christian beliefs and his refusal to convert to Roman Paganism.

Valentine’s Day first became associated with romance during the days of the great poet, Geoffrey Chaucer in the late 1300’s. In 1382, Chaucer wrote in his poem Parlement of Foules or Parliament of Birds, "For this was Saint Valentine's Day, when every bird cometh there to choose his mate.” That poem actually had more to do with Mother Nature and the mating habits of birds than with human love. Despite that, it managed to find its way into western culture and to this day it provides an opportunity for women and men to express profound love for their mates.

Many human beings in this century need a special day to declare their love for each other.

Valentine’s Day functions as a reminder to everyone that explicit expressions of romantic love are important for the maintenance of healthy relationships. It doesn’t stop at pure, innocent love though. Candy stores, jewellery merchants, flower shops, restaurants and “Hallmark” cards all rake in huge amounts of much needed revenue on that special day. In fact many of them rely on Valentine’s Day sales for financial survival.

Lovers in the twenty first century cannot simply satisfy each other with kind words, cuddles, kisses and lovemaking as they might have in the 1300’s. Instead they feel a need to spend some money in order to prove their love and devotion to each other. It seems that our modern world has replaced natural, wholesome relationships where love is based on simple caring and sharing with relationships where love is measured by the amount of currency expended on it. That may sound somewhat cynical, but if given the choice between a kiss on the lips, a box of chocolates, or an exotic vacation as a Valentine’s gift, which would the average North American prefer? Which would they be more impressed by and which would they be more likely to remember in years to come? I think the answer is obvious.

It would be nice to think that when lovers sacrifice their cash for their mates, they are emulating St. Valentine who sacrificed his life for his religion.

Sadly that is probably not the case. We live in a world where the value of money has taken on such epic importance that it has become synonymous with, and inseparable from expressions of generosity, charity, kindness, and yes...love itself.

This Valentine’s Day why not break out of the mold?

Now that we know that St. Valentine died not for his lover, but for his religion, let’s do something more meaningful than buying candy, jewellery or trips.

Why not spend the night at home just cuddling and kissing and give the money you save to a worthy charity?  That way we can show our love for mankind, and uphold some of the principles that St. Valentine died for. After all, there are a lot of people in the world who need help and there are worse things than cuddling and kissing the one you love.

Valentine’s Day really is for lovers!

All the Best

Wayne Kehl

10 Tips To Overcome Bad Thoughts

Do you ever find yourself thinking bad thoughts about someone else?

Do you ever think bad thoughts about yourself?

Here is an easier question: “Are You Human?” If your answer to this one is YES, then you can honestly answer YES to the first two questions. Bad thoughts are human but we should not let them control us.

Human beings, above all other animals on the planet possess the wonderful ability to reason. In most situations we tend to think before we act. Unlike less intelligent species, before we do almost anything, we imagine possible results and potential pitfalls. We think about how our actions and reactions might help us, harm us, propel us forward or hold us back. We thrive on information and we fill our heads with all kinds of thoughts and ideas about how we should live our lives. We are the superior species on earth because we think a lot, learn a lot, reason a lot and do a lot of incredible things after a good deal of intellectual assessment.

Sometimes because of external influences or internal fears, our thoughts become negative.

We might imagine that someone or something in our lives might harm us in some way or we might think that for some reason, we are not capable of doing something that we need to do in order to succeed. When our thoughts turn to black, our mood will change for the worse and our performance will begin to lag. During those down periods we will often say or do things that are not characteristic of our usual behavior. In the worst cases, we might even strike out at those around us or withdraw into solitude in order to avoid the source of our trepidations. We might turn away from people who matter to us and people who only want the best for us.

The worst thing about bad thoughts is that they put our lives on hold.

While we are under the control of bad thoughts, we stop trying, we stop doing and we fail to get on with living. We should never allow a bad thought to stop us from doing something that must be done or something that we really want to do. Despite the fact that we all want to avoid them, human beings allow bad thoughts to consume them and take charge of their lives every day! Bad thoughts, when allowed to rule are the enemies of optimism, the thieves of enthusiasm and the killers of motivation.

Often our bad thoughts will consume us for extended periods.

During those times, we will be depressed, impatient, uncommunicative, anxious or confrontational. Our human, negative energy will bubble to the surface and change our normal demeanour into something that is unpalatable to others. In essence our internal bad thoughts can ultimately become our external reality as we drive people away from us while becoming sad, lonely spectres of our normal selves.

Do not allow your bad thoughts to control you. Here are some tips to help you recognize and take control of your own negative energy. You can do all of them, some of them, or just one. The important thing is to do something.

When a bad thought enters your mind:

1. ASK YOURSELF, “WHAT IS THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN?” (If the answer does not include death or physical harm, you will be much more likely to move past it.)

2. SETTLE DOWN. (Take a deep breath and think about some good things in your life. Tell yourself that you are a good person with a good life and that you can get beyond the current set-back.)

3. SAY IT OUT LOUD. (You can say it alone behind closed doors, or you can say it to a trusted confidant. Once you have verbalized your thoughts, they become much easier to deal with.)

4. TALK TO A FRIEND, A CLOSE RELATIVE, A TRUSTED CO-WORKER OR SOMEONE ELSE WHO WILL LISTEN. (You need to hear an alternative point-of-view in order to put things into perspective.)

5. SEEK OUT A RESOLUTION. (You can work on the problem with another person or you can think of a variety of courses of action and positive resolutions on your own.)

6. WRITE IT DOWN. (Write down the bad thought and read it over. Then right down all of the possible outcomes of it...both positive and negative. When you see it in writing it will take on a different look.)

7. IF IT INVOLVES ANOTHER PERSON, GIVE THEM A BREAK. (Think about the fact that nothing good ever comes from negativity and that forgiveness is the antidote to hard feelings.)

8. CONFRONT IT HEAD-ON. (If you have a bad thought, it has to be given life before it can die a natural death. Face the situation and deal with it in an open, honest, courageous but sensitive way.)

9. FORGIVE YOURSELF. (Human beings tend to be hard on themselves. You need to be able to accept that you will make mistakes sometimes and that you are better than you think you are at that moment.)

10. DEAL WITH IT RIGHT AWAY! (Do not allow a bad thought to grow and fester in your mind. If left unfettered a bad thought can grow into a major tragedy or a life-changing trauma before you know it.

Overcoming bad thoughts must be a deliberate, conscious and extraordinarily positive act.

From now on, when a bad thought enters your mind remember that it must not be allowed to control you. Take time out of your busy day to think about it, eliminate it, and move on to more positive thoughts as quickly as you can.

All the Best!

Wayne Kehl

We Should Honour Christmas All Year Long

"I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year."

~ Charles Dickens (1812-1870), English author. From, “A Christmas Carol”

I was quite taken by this quote from Charles Dickens. This line from “A Christmas Carol” reminds us of the fact that for most people, the true spirit of kindness and giving is with us for only one day of each year. As much as we might like to honour the spirit of Christmas throughout the year, it is not long after December 25th that we return to our old habits and vices…we return to being normal, flawed human beings.

People of many lands have chosen Christmas as a reason to be kind, generous, and warm to all others.

Large scale wars all over the world will have cease-fires during the Christmas holiday. People who seldom speak take the time to write and send greeting cards to each other. Everywhere you go people of all races, creeds, colours and genders can be heard shouting, “Merry Christmas!” to almost anyone they come into contact with. Despite the commercial implications of it, Christmas genuinely brings peace on earth and goodwill to all men and women. Smiles abound and anger is put on hold for two or three glorious days. Everyone seems to want to impose the best part of mankind on everyone else during the few days surrounding December 25th.

How sad it is that we cannot carry those good feelings, thoughts, emotions and actions with us 365 days of every year.

If we could just remember the deep seated emotions that flood our hearts, souls, and minds on Christmas morning; if we could only treat everyone the way we treated our friends and family during Christmas dinner; if we could just feel that way and treat everyone with that much kindness all year long, the world would be a glorious place indeed.

Like Ebenezer Scrooge, try to honour the Christmas spirit all year long. You will be rewarded with the gift of joy and the precious present of a peaceful mind.

Merry Christmas to one and all!

Wayne Kehl

Hey Leaders, "Life Is A Balancing Act!"

Do you have some amazingly energetic, hard working, loyal employees who work long hours and never complain? Do any of your staff members handle additional roles in the community, on non-profit boards, or with service clubs in addition to juggling work and family duties? Do you have some folks working for you who never want to take holidays and even when they do, they continue working from the beach or airplane while their families are forced to amuse themselves without the presence of their breadwinners for hours at a time?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, trouble might be just around the corner!

Every person on earth needs a reasonable and suitable work/life balance. While they might impress you with their industriousness and loyalty and your firm might be reveling in the fruits of their labors, they are probably working toward an eventual, total meltdown.

Every person has a different level of stress that they can comfortably absorb or disregard before they hit an emotional wall.

• Some people love their work so much that they do not even consider it work. Those are the people who are constantly smiling while they do their jobs.

• Others simply press the outer edges of their emotional control because of insecurity or fear. They are afraid they might let someone down or fail altogether.

• Some employees just look stressed-out, weary, or frustrated at all times. These people are on the edge and close to a complete collapse.

You might think that those folks who energetically ply their trade with smiles all day long because they love what they do, don’t need or want down-time or an actual holiday. You might think those hard workers who apply themselves with dedication to everything they do are well adjusted and simply more capable than the average human being. You might think that weary, frustrated employees are just lazy or ill suited to their work. In each of these cases the bottom line is that all of these people needs reasonable work/life balance and time off to get their minds, and more importantly, their emotions off of their work.

It is up to managers, supervisors and leaders of all kinds to recognize the symptoms of poor work/life balance and find ways to deal with them.

Leaders must always keep track of over-work situations and must never make any employee feel bad or negligent for taking their fair share of time off. Not only will they be doing their employees a favor by assisting them with this chronic, twenty-first century problem but also in many cases, they will be saving themselves and their companies a lot of lost time and lost revenue.

Even those happy, smiling people who love their work and never seem to tire out need time off.

They might be energized by their work, but their total dedication to their jobs is often damaging to the health of their family and personal lives. Without a happy, healthy life away from work, human beings become unfilled and ultimately, unhappy or depressed. Sometimes the pressures placed on them by their neglected families and friends might be more than their psyche’s can handle. If you ignore a happy, hard-worker you might suddenly be faced with an unexpected sick leave, performance dip, or even a resignation from them. The toll taken by total dedication to work has proven to be the undoing of many a potential superstar employee.

Companies of all types and sizes should insist that employees at all levels work reasonable hours and that everyone take the holidays they are allotted each year.

If employees want to work additional hours on a special project, they should be granted additional time off at a more convenient juncture. If they are doing community work that enhances the image of their employer in the community, they should be allowed time during working hours to do it. If they are on holidays, they should be prevented from taking work home with them or from communicating work-related information back to their place of work.

Time off should be considered as important as “time on” in order to assure that employees are happy and healthy well into the future.

If you haven’t spent some time reviewing the down time of your employees and you want to keep them employed and working to peak performance, you should do so now. Have a staff meeting to specifically discuss the human need for time away from work. Emphasize the fact that there is very little honor in diligence that goes so far beyond the norm that it becomes hazardous to future performance. Let everyone know that it is not only the right, but also the responsibility of every employee to take the time off that they are provided. Tell them there will be no extra credit for time-off-not-taken. Most importantly, let all of your employees know that you care about their emotional and physical health.

Good work/life balance is a predictor of longevity and good future performance.

Help your employees to stay emotionally fit by assisting them in finding and retaining the balance they deserve.

All the Best!

Wayne Kehl