10 Tips To Overcome Bad Thoughts

Do you ever find yourself thinking bad thoughts about someone else?

Do you ever think bad thoughts about yourself?

Here is an easier question: “Are You Human?” If your answer to this one is YES, then you can honestly answer YES to the first two questions. Bad thoughts are human but we should not let them control us.

Human beings, above all other animals on the planet possess the wonderful ability to reason. In most situations we tend to think before we act. Unlike less intelligent species, before we do almost anything, we imagine possible results and potential pitfalls. We think about how our actions and reactions might help us, harm us, propel us forward or hold us back. We thrive on information and we fill our heads with all kinds of thoughts and ideas about how we should live our lives. We are the superior species on earth because we think a lot, learn a lot, reason a lot and do a lot of incredible things after a good deal of intellectual assessment.

Sometimes because of external influences or internal fears, our thoughts become negative.

We might imagine that someone or something in our lives might harm us in some way or we might think that for some reason, we are not capable of doing something that we need to do in order to succeed. When our thoughts turn to black, our mood will change for the worse and our performance will begin to lag. During those down periods we will often say or do things that are not characteristic of our usual behavior. In the worst cases, we might even strike out at those around us or withdraw into solitude in order to avoid the source of our trepidations. We might turn away from people who matter to us and people who only want the best for us.

The worst thing about bad thoughts is that they put our lives on hold.

While we are under the control of bad thoughts, we stop trying, we stop doing and we fail to get on with living. We should never allow a bad thought to stop us from doing something that must be done or something that we really want to do. Despite the fact that we all want to avoid them, human beings allow bad thoughts to consume them and take charge of their lives every day! Bad thoughts, when allowed to rule are the enemies of optimism, the thieves of enthusiasm and the killers of motivation.

Often our bad thoughts will consume us for extended periods.

During those times, we will be depressed, impatient, uncommunicative, anxious or confrontational. Our human, negative energy will bubble to the surface and change our normal demeanour into something that is unpalatable to others. In essence our internal bad thoughts can ultimately become our external reality as we drive people away from us while becoming sad, lonely spectres of our normal selves.

Do not allow your bad thoughts to control you. Here are some tips to help you recognize and take control of your own negative energy. You can do all of them, some of them, or just one. The important thing is to do something.

When a bad thought enters your mind:

1. ASK YOURSELF, “WHAT IS THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN?” (If the answer does not include death or physical harm, you will be much more likely to move past it.)

2. SETTLE DOWN. (Take a deep breath and think about some good things in your life. Tell yourself that you are a good person with a good life and that you can get beyond the current set-back.)

3. SAY IT OUT LOUD. (You can say it alone behind closed doors, or you can say it to a trusted confidant. Once you have verbalized your thoughts, they become much easier to deal with.)

4. TALK TO A FRIEND, A CLOSE RELATIVE, A TRUSTED CO-WORKER OR SOMEONE ELSE WHO WILL LISTEN. (You need to hear an alternative point-of-view in order to put things into perspective.)

5. SEEK OUT A RESOLUTION. (You can work on the problem with another person or you can think of a variety of courses of action and positive resolutions on your own.)

6. WRITE IT DOWN. (Write down the bad thought and read it over. Then right down all of the possible outcomes of it...both positive and negative. When you see it in writing it will take on a different look.)

7. IF IT INVOLVES ANOTHER PERSON, GIVE THEM A BREAK. (Think about the fact that nothing good ever comes from negativity and that forgiveness is the antidote to hard feelings.)

8. CONFRONT IT HEAD-ON. (If you have a bad thought, it has to be given life before it can die a natural death. Face the situation and deal with it in an open, honest, courageous but sensitive way.)

9. FORGIVE YOURSELF. (Human beings tend to be hard on themselves. You need to be able to accept that you will make mistakes sometimes and that you are better than you think you are at that moment.)

10. DEAL WITH IT RIGHT AWAY! (Do not allow a bad thought to grow and fester in your mind. If left unfettered a bad thought can grow into a major tragedy or a life-changing trauma before you know it.

Overcoming bad thoughts must be a deliberate, conscious and extraordinarily positive act.

From now on, when a bad thought enters your mind remember that it must not be allowed to control you. Take time out of your busy day to think about it, eliminate it, and move on to more positive thoughts as quickly as you can.

All the Best!

Wayne Kehl

Top Ten Ways To Be A Bad Leader - Video

 

 

My videos usually focus on how to be a good leader or a better leader. In fact, most leadership videos available on the internet or elsewhere focus on the positive elements of leading. Many leadership writers prefer to write  only about completely uplifting things and focus on what leaders should do to be recognized as the best leaders.  In reality, the main reason we need to learn about leadership is so that we can avoid being bad leaders! With that in mind, this video will talk about how bad leaders operate and the kinds of things they do to be recognized as having highly deficient or defective leadership skills.

WARNING: IF YOU RECOGNIZE YOURSELF IN ANY PART OF THIS VIDEO, YOU MIGHT ALREADY BE A BAD LEADER!

Bad leaders fall into ten categories. People who are not capable of establishing a solid base of loyal, devoted followers can be identified by one or more of the following traits:

1.       Command and Control leaders...It is “my way or the highway” for these folks. They fly around like chickens with their heads cut off, make a lot of demands, and rule by intimidation. Nothing is ever good enough for them.

2.      Non-leading Leaders...These are the leaders who either hide in their offices reading, emailing and holding the phone to their ear all day or leaders who are often absent from the workplace on the guise of doing important work somewhere else. They sometimes do not know the names of their employees and add little or nothing to the workplace experience.

3.      Know-nothing Leaders...Leaders who managed to get into a job leading something they have little or no knowledge of and often have no intention of learning. They try to inspire through some sort of personal style but their lack of knowledge of the department they control is evident to all. They are usually not aware that nobody is really following them.

4.      Do-nothing Leaders...Leaders who might actually know a lot about their department but choose to avoid getting involved with their employees or the work they do. They often delegate everything to lower-level line managers or supervisors because they think good delegation skills mean they don’t have to do anything. They are busy doing a lot of nothing.

5.      Suck-up Leaders...These ones are so insecure and afraid of their employees that they always appear to be begging their teams to do their jobs. Often they are simply too nice for their own good. They are usually ineffective but if they are fortunate enough to have some sympathetic employees they might actually get a few things done.

6.      Blind Leaders...These folks can see what is going on but are either too dense or too afraid to realize that it might be time for them to act like a leader. They allow bad behavior, poor performance, favouritism and employee conflicts to go on unabated. They often have high turnover rates and cannot understand why nobody wants to work for them.

7.      Insincere Leaders...In order to get ahead, these leaders will say anything to anyone, at anytime, believing that the end justifies the means. They will make promises they cannot keep nor have any intention of keeping, and they will make false compliments to avoid conflict. They delude themselves of their own self-importance but nobody believes anything they say.

8.      Gossiping Leaders...These folks gossip about their organization, their superiors, their employees, their customers, their suppliers and just about anything else that creates good, juicy water cooler talk. They do not understand confidentiality and they pit employee against employee and manager against manager, while avoiding their own responsibilities. Employees don’t trust them and nobody wants to tell them anything because they know it will be repeated.

9.      Defensive Leaders...Leaders who never take responsibility for anything. These people always blame someone else when things go wrong and take all of the glory for themselves when things go right. They are the antithesis of leadership but they think that by deflecting blame, and hoarding success, they are fooling everyone...but nobody is being fooled.

10.  Uncommunicative Leaders...These leaders refuse to tell anyone, anything. They do not feel that employees have the right to know what is going on beyond their specific work-stations or that they have any business knowing about the relative success or failure of their organization. They withhold financial information and refuse to speak to subordinates about the lofty management plans they have or the organizational decisions they might make. Every new thing that happens in the organization comes as a surprise, and usually on short-notice to the workers. Employee dissatisfaction and poor morale reign in their empires.

Everyone on earth who has ever had a job has known a leader with some of the traits indicated here. If you do not want to be a bad leader, the key is to recognize the mistakes you might be making and strive to eliminate and avoid repeating them. If, on the other hand, you are okay with being a bad leader then try out all of the ideas presented here to see which ones create the worst results.

All the Best!

Wayne Kehl

How To Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking

Everyone on earth, except perhaps those who have completely taken leave of their senses, has fears of one kind or another. Fear is as much a part of the human emotional system as joy, anger and love. Many times, our fears add value to our lives because they prevent us from doing dangerous things but on other occasions our fears detract from our lives because they prevent us from doing the things we truly want to do.

Everyone has different fears.

Various studies tell us that one of the greatest fears known to mankind is the fear of public speaking. In my case, that is not true at all. I do a lot of public speaking and not only am I not frightened by the prospect of it, but I enjoy it to the point that I look forward to it. I did however, have a profound fear of public speaking in my youth. Until now, I had not considered how I overcame my greatest fear because it happened over a period of years and after a number of fumbles and bad starts. It was an evolutionary change brought on by the necessities of my career. The more I did, the more my confidence rose and the less fearful I became.

Usually, the fear itself is not as great a challenge as the ability to overcome it. Facing the idea of battling a fear head-on is much more daunting than actually living quietly with it.

In order to reduce or eliminate a fear, we must understand what is causing it. Fears are warnings of things that have not happened yet. When you are fearful, your mind is setting up a series of mental alarms and emotional defence mechanisms designed to prevent you from doing something. The emotion of fear and the accompanying emotions of anxiety, trepidation, depression or anger are all put into play when the assemblage of your experience, knowledge, memories, nightmares and advice of others come together to focus on the event, thing, person or situation before you. Even though nothing bad has happened yet, the combined body of intelligence that is your psyche’ begins to tell you to avoid a situation that could, conceivably put you in harm’s way. If you allow fear to control you, it will never cease to torment you.

When fear takes hold, it causes us to become weak and helpless.

If the fear is imminent and potentially harmful enough, it might cause us to react with a physical action of some sort. This is commonly known as the fight or flight response. When our brain tells us that fight or flight is necessary, our reactions can vary from a full-on attack on the person or thing that we fear, or a simple turn-and-run-away response. In both cases, our intention is to save ourselves from potential harm. If we attack, we might destroy the object of our fears or drive it off...thereby neutralizing it. If we run away we will leave it behind...at least temporarily.

Living with fear or living a life of fight or flight is not an acceptable way to get through our short time on earth and accordingly, it is best to move beyond our fears. However, we cannot push past a fear until we understand what causes it. In the case of the fear of public speaking, I learned over time, that the basis for my early fear was that I had a desperate need to avoid failure. I had an unspoken belief that if what I had to say was inadequate for the audience, or if I stammered, stuttered or forgot my lines, I would be made to look foolish in front of my peers and superiors. In the worst case scenario I might be jeered, insulted and chased off the stage.  I was afraid not only of the actual speaking, but of the ridicule, embarrassment, dishonour and distress it might cause me.

The next time you are faced with a fear, ask yourself these questions:

·         What am I afraid of?

·         Why are other people I know not afraid of this?

·         What is the worst thing that could happen?

·         Will challenging this fear end my life?

·         Will this situation cause me any physical harm?

·         What precautions can I take to avoid failure?

·         Will the embarrassment, dishonour or distress of failing damage my career or my relationships with those most important to me?

·         Will others forgive me if I fail?

·         Can I forgive myself if I fail?

·         Is it worth the effort to overcome this fear?

Most fears cannot be overcome immediately.

Because real fears are lodged firmly in the instinctive part of your brain, the Amygdala, your fight or flight response will continue until the cognitive part of your brain, the Neo-cortex rationalizes the fact that there is no imminent harm presented by the object of your fears. With strong desire and real effort, you can convince your brain, in time to accept the negative potential events you fear and eliminate its effects on you.

If you never give up trying to overcome your fear and face it often you will eventually succeed. Practice speaking in front of a mirror, in front of friends, and in front of small groups. When you see the smiles on the faces of your friendly audience your confidence will soar. When your listeners nod knowingly and applaud when you are done, you will be a public speaker and you will no longer have to live with fear.

Five steps to public speaking success:

·         The only way to overcome fear is to put your toe in the water and test the temperature often. Speak every chance you get.

·         Have friends or loved ones come with you for emotional support while you try it out.

·         While you are trying it out, convince yourself that failure is an option and that once you have gotten all of the missteps and fumbles out of the way, you will improve.

·         Always maintain a belief that you can succeed.

·         Practice, practice, practice!

Most people can be much better speakers than they actually think they can. Push your fear out the door and give yourself a chance to be great!

All the Best

Wayne Kehl

The Value Of Honesty

As children, most of us had parents who tried to convince us that cheaters never prosper and liars will not go to heaven. The theory is of course a great one, but almost every day in the news I hear about business leaders being charged and convicted for a variety of commercial crimes. 

Sadly, I am beginning to think that a lot of prosperous people are the worst liars on earth and that heaven must be crowded with some of the most philanthropic cheaters ever born. Happily, we are all aware of completely scrupulous people who prosper and reach great financial heights while exercising pure honesty. However, despite the teachings of our parents, dishonesty is still a large factor in business today.

“Do cheaters and liars prosper?...Of course they do! Do they live happy lives?...Of course not!

FIVE TYPES OF LIARS

There are basically five types of liars in the business world:

1.       Compulsive liars ...People who are so psychologically insecure that they believe lying is necessary for survival. They will pile one lie on top of the next and sometimes begin to believe them.

2.       Blatantly dishonest, remorseless liars ... Those who cannot differentiate between right and wrong and believe that lying is a great way to get what they want.  They are usually extremely greedy and some of them have actual criminal intent.

3.       Strategic liars ...People who stretch the truth, make up false stories or withhold the whole truth in order to win or make a point. These folks are often the best negotiators and deal makers in large, successful businesses.

4.       White liars...They are the ones who believe that a small white lie now and again is not really a lie at all. These people often justify a lie because they believe it helped someone or at the very least did not harm anyone.

5.       Situational liars...These are the lesser liars who do not make a habit of lying but will twist and turn the truth in order to avoid an unpleasant or difficult situation. They might cheat on their taxes or fake an illness to avoid work.

DISHONESTY IS ALL AROUND US

You can find people from all five types at all levels of business. The most common form of dishonesty at the management or executive level is the Strategic type. North American business standards require that corporations succeed and grow. In order to grow, businesses must compete with others in their field and often the best way to show superiority to potential customers is to tell lies about their products and services. It is also a common way to lure new employees into the fold or convince others not to leave.

Business leaders who convince customers and employees of falsehoods in order to grow and succeed are often rewarded with huge paycheques and amazing bonuses. In some cases they are pushed into a web of lies in order to keep their jobs or get the next promotion. Success is the primary goal and anything short of outright criminal activity is justifiable as long as profitability is maintained. Occasionally the dishonesty crosses the line and alas, criminal activity ensues. The twentieth and twenty-first centuries are replete with successful executives-turned lawbreakers.

Some high level leaders think nothing of lying to employees and customers. They wear their dishonesty like a crown and pride themselves on their ability to negotiate favourable deals at the seemingly minor expense of truth.

“They justify their larceny by convincing themselves and those around them that the business world is a kill or be killed environment where only the strong shall survive and a win by any means is a good win!

DISHONESTY IS HARD TO LIVE WITH

Despite their financial success, most dishonest leaders are never truly happy. They are often cynical, distrustful and fearful that someone might lie to them or catch them in one of their own lies. Many often show signs of extreme fatigue and others seemed distant or agitated at the most inappropriate times. They have difficulty being present and they will occasionally lapse into inexplicable disengagement or anger.

No matter how much money they make, they can never relax and enjoy it.  They live in a jungle of mistruths, misfeasance and larceny that no normal human psyche can withstand for an extended period of time. Often, the thirst for success is so powerful that even the money they want so badly will not soothe their troubled souls.

“It is true what they say: “Money does not bring happiness!”

HONESTY BRINGS PEACE OF MIND!

When you live of life of pure honesty you have far less to worry about! It is almost impossible to regret being honest and telling the truth virtually never brings any personal guilt. Honesty produces wonderful reputations and creates friends wherever it goes. Most people want to associate with an honest person and everyone will come to the aid of someone who consistently tells them the truth. Honest people smile a lot and find the positive elements in everything they do. Often the positive attention they garner will bring opportunities for financial success that dishonest folks will never be offered. They are the good people of the world and others enjoy watching them succeed.

“The trust that honesty brings can catapult good people to fabulous wealth!

WHAT IS THE VALUE OF HONESTY?

Honesty, like success cannot be measured in money.  Honest people may or may not achieve the financial success of their less-honest brethren, but regardless of their bank balances, their lives will be more fulfilled and they will be truly honoured and celebrated after death. They are the real leaders of mankind... the ones we all look up to and the ones we all want to emulate.

“What is the value of honesty?................It is Priceless!

All the Best!

Wayne Kehl

Ego and Success

Winners, losers and survivors exist all around us. The world is full of people who become famous through excellent results alongside those who gain notoriety because of poor performance. Interestingly, mediocrity is much more common than success or failure in most areas of human endeavour. Most people get by, but seldom excel despite the fact that almost everyone is good at something. The majority of people on the planet never have the opportunity to soar because they never have the opportunity to utilize the natural talents they are born with.

Many of us never even experience the joy of discovering the true

genius that lies dormant, deep within us all.

While many of us labour unrewardingly outside of our true calling, others are able to advance in areas where they have little or no natural talent at all. The most ineffective or even dangerous people on earth are those who have a strong belief that they excel at something where they have no particular talent and yet have managed to advance. We often see these people in senior positions. Sometimes they are arrogant, egotistical bullies who strut around the office or the factory floor barking out orders and bragging about their adventures. Some are quiet and reserved, but bristle with superiority at or just below the surface.  No matter how they present themselves, they usually make poor business decisions and specialize in poor hiring choices.  These are the people who talk down to others and are critical just for the sake of being right.

Often because a business is unique, has a strong customer following or a history of success, these people manage to advance and move up the ladder despite themselves and despite the harm they do to those they are able to impact along the way. Some are highly educated while others are only experts in bravado. They know how to manipulate the decision makers above them and they fly under the radar on their way to the top. Eventually, they will reach the level of their own incompetence...the place where they can no longer fool even the most detached executives...but at that point, the damage will have already been done and they will probably be rewarded for their poor performance with a gold watch and a healthy retirement package.

We have all known people like this!

As I ruminate on this phenomenon it occurs to me that the one talent these people have is the talent for exercising their own ego. While most of us conceal our ego and exercise our humility as our parents taught us, the egomaniacs of the world take on almost anything that comes their way with a resolute belief that they will succeed. Their success is based on an unyielding belief in themselves. They have such a well defined sense of self direction that they are incapable of acknowledging any suggestion that they might be on an incorrect path. They believe they are winners and they dismiss any thoughts of failure. A German propaganda minister in Adolf Hitler’s Nazi Government, Joseph Goebbels said this:

 “If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it.”

Unfortunately, I have observed in business that many people have adopted the philosophy of Goebbels, perhaps without even knowing it. They lie to the people around them and they lie to themselves. For them, lying is not even wrong or immoral...it is instead, a matter of business survival. They tell themselves they are great and then make sure everyone in their sphere of influence knows it. Through deception, they manage to succeed. Ultimately the deception becomes truth as the intimidation of their bravado and growing success moves them closer to the top of the hierarchy. Ultimately, they leave behind a legacy of negativity despite any financial success their organizations might attain.

Despite the success that ego can bring, the true leaders in society

 are those who are honest, ethical, humble people with genuine

talent.

My preference is to follow leaders who lead with talent, empathy, skill, and humility. I will follow someone who has something valuable to say rather than someone who simply wants to say something. I will follow a leader who puts the needs of his team and his company first and second, with his own coming in a distant third. I will follow a leader whose ego is limited to ambition for, and belief in her team. I want to follow a leader who is primarily proud of her team and the fact that she is fortunate enough to lead them. I will follow a leader who always tells the truth.  I will follow a leader!

Leading is difficult but when done right, it creates a wonderful

 legacy. Here is a short list of things all great leaders take with

 them to the top:

·         Utilization of natural talents

·         Ego directed only at team results

·         Self-awareness and the courage to change

·         Humility

·         Honesty

With just those few elements a leader can put himself or herself on a level above the pack. Those leaders can create high-performing teams and leave a legacy of greatness that will live on long after they have departed.

Ego will invariably be an element of success, but it should not be

 the only factor!

All the Best

Wayne Kehl

Every Revolution Needs A Cause

How to start a Leadership Revolution

Before we can begin to create a culture of effective and powerful leadership, we must have a cause that everyone can rally around. Throughout history, every revolution came about as a result of the failure of leaders to understand or empathize with what the people wanted. When it became clear that they were not listening, the people chose to take action against their leaders. Don’t let that happen to you!

During the French Revolution of the late 1700’s the unfair, unjust French Monarchy that had ruled France for centuries collapsed in only three years at the hands of the disgruntled citizenry. During the American Revolution, the British Government was driven from the shores of America by the settlers who wanted the right to freedom and self-government. In these, and in all other successful revolutions throughout history, unjust, unfair, uncommunicative, leadership groups were overthrown by their subjects. Their causes were fairness, equal opportunity, inclusion and civil rights.  Although the methods and the results were much more extreme than what we normally see in business, a revolution of any kind is never good for those in leadership positions.

I am proposing that clear-minded, progressive leaders everywhere start their own Leadership Revolutions now...before their employees start one of their own!

Before we can start our Leadership Revolution we must identify what we are fighting for. Our causes should be designed to maintain and develop the success, perpetuation, and growth of our businesses. In order to prevent our workers from revolting against us, thereby reducing our corporate effectiveness, we need to include them in our revolution in a real and tangible way.

I would recommend that right now, you start thinking about your revolution, identify your causes and write them down. Show your employees what you believe your causes should be and ask for their input.

Important: When you ask for input from your employees, listen to what they have to say and implement as many of their ideas as possible.

If you ask for input, disregard it, and simply do what you were planning to do in the first place, the employees will start a revolution of their own...one that you cannot win!

Once you have communicated with your people and developed a plan for the future, give it a name. Create a slogan that everyone can easily remember and rally around.

Take a page out of the Hewlett Packard handbook and broadcast your leadership philosophy to the world. HP is known to be one of the most successful technology firms in the world and their success was not by accident. Early in their history, the leaders of Hewlett Packard developed a leadership system that they coined, “Management by walking around” or MBWA. It is a plan for humble leadership based on employee inclusion and communication. To simplify and personalize the 12 guidelines for MBWA, they dubbed their leadership style “The HP Way.” Not only did MBWA become the mantra of Hewlett Packard, it has been emulated and followed by thousands of successful firms all over the world. HP started a revolution and enlisted their employees before their employees felt the need to start their own. Over 70 years since its incorporation, HP is still one of the most successful and respected firms in the world.

Does your firm have a cause? Do your employees know what it is?

Of course, developing a cause is just the genesis of the revolution. All revolutions take time and all begin with small steps. The important thing is that the revolutionary army, (your staff) has a strong leader to guide the process and make sure that morale is continuously and consistently kept at a high level. The leader must have the integrity, dedication and like all battlefield commanders, the courage to carry on the fight until the war is won or until it is time to retire his or her command.

Are you that leader?

If the French Monarchy had listened to its people and worked alongside them for improvement in 1789, many lives could have been saved. If the British Government had worked with the American settlers in 1775 rather than sending troops in to crush them, things would be much different today. It could easily be argued that the American Revolution was the best thing that could have happened to the United States of America, but as you can imagine the British Government of the day did not feel the same way. Their loss was tremendous...and permanent. Don’t let that happen to you!

Start your Leadership Revolution now!

All the Best

Wayne Kehl