UNDERSTANDING DISC #4, Communicating with the DISC styles

In previous issues of “Understanding DISC” we have gone into some depth on the subject of the fundamental DISC styles. You can find the past issues here:

 http://motivationalkehl.blogspot.ca/

In this issue, we will discuss the best ways to communicate with each of the styles.

Here is a brief and simplified recap of the basic DISC styles:

DOMINANT: This can be identified by forceful, confident, competitive behaviour.

INFLUENCING: This can be identified by cheerful, optimistic, trusting, outgoing behaviour.

STEADY: This can be identified by sociable, thoughtful, non-emotional behaviour.

COMPLIANT: This can be identified by organized, tidy, conscientious behaviour.

When communicating with a DOMINANT person you must accept that for them, winning is very important.

When a dominant person begins to show signs of becoming adamant during a discussion, (as they often will) it is often best to simply allow them to carry on until they have finished making their point. If you try to interrupt them, or cut them short, you will only inflame their dominance and either start an argument or cause them to talk longer in order to reinforce their perspective. In some cases it is even best to concede to their point of view or at least agree that they have made a good point, until such time as you are able to approach the subject from a different tack. In all cases, you should attempt to appeal to their ego and their need for success. Letting them win one argument might allow you the opportunity to win one yourself at a later time. However, vehement or over-zealous disagreement while a dominant person is speaking will usually end in a negative result. Depending on how strongly they are influenced by the other elements of their DISC style, it might even harm or destroy your relationship completely. Although High “D’s” tend to try to control conversations and win every argument, just like other people most of them enjoy helping others to accomplish their goals. Being part of another person’s success is after all a type of winning and that will appeal to their natural ego-driven personas. If you allow them the opportunity to help you and then praise them for it, you might just make a friend for life.

When communicating with a highly INFLUENCING person you should expect them to talk a lot and attempt humour at every opportunity.

People with a strong influential style are highly expressive and they love people. They are perhaps, the easiest style to get along with. However, if you are a highly compliant person, you will soon tire of their lack of attention to detail, and if you are a highly steady person, you might be put off by the speed at which they make decisions. Dominant people will usually have no problem controlling them but highly Influential people are usually fine with that. If you want to appeal to a highly Influential person, laugh at their jokes and give them a pat on the back often. Highly Influential people have a need to be appreciated and they like flashy possessions that bring attention to themselves. Expect them to be the life of the party and depending upon how much influence the other elements of their DISC style have upon them, you might also expect them to be silly or politically incorrect from time to time. High “I’s” like to have fun so if you join in with their light hearted banter, you can easily become an immediate ally and fast friend.

When communicating with a high STEADY you must remember that they are addicted to security and tend to want a lot of information before making decisions.

High Steady’s want assurance that any decision they make is the right one before they act on it. They are committed to their families and they strive to provide safety and security for them. They prefer not to make a significant decision unless their family or trusted friends are aware of the details and buy into it. They generally want the world to slow down, so do not push them too hard to make a decision or force them to create speedy results. Give them time to go away and think about it before formulating a response. The expression, “slow and steady wins the race” was probably written by a high steady personality. High Steady’s tend to be private people and are not likely to want to tell you about their innermost fears or challenges until they believe the time is right so do not pry and do push them to speak before they are ready.  High “S’s” prefer not to show their emotions publicly, so do not expect them to become excited or happy when you tell them something that might be extremely impressive to other people. If they tell you calmly and emotionlessly that they are happy or excited, accept it for what it is but do not expect smiles, laughter or tears. If you want to make a friend of a High “S”, give them their space and allow them to communicate with you at their own pace.

When attempting to communicate with a high COMPLIANT always consider that they are much more detail oriented than the other styles.

High Compliant people like rules and regulations for work and life. However, once they are confident that they are on the right path, they are highly conscientious and will act very quickly to get the job done. Because they like a lot of detail, when you speak to them, bring a lot of well-organized information and some proof that what you are saying is valid. Do not try to get a High “C” to change his mind unless you can prove that you are right. Many great accountants are highly Compliant as are a lot of pilots, engineers, musicians, and mechanics. In each of these cases, a very stringent set of rules and procedures must be employed in order to get the job done. The fact that following those procedures almost guarantees a good result appeals greatly to High “C’s”. In conversations, you can often hold their attention with spreadsheets, statistics and complex explanations. If you want to make a friend of High “C”, be prepared to dazzle them with detail and answer a lot of questions.

This article is based on the work of William Moulton Marston. Find out more in my book, “Getting Along With People Is Easy!” available at Amazon.com or from the Dynamic Leadership website:

 https://www.dlionline.ca/courses.php?category=Books

All the Best

Wayne Kehl

10 Tips To Overcome Bad Thoughts

Do you ever find yourself thinking bad thoughts about someone else?

Do you ever think bad thoughts about yourself?

Here is an easier question: “Are You Human?” If your answer to this one is YES, then you can honestly answer YES to the first two questions. Bad thoughts are human but we should not let them control us.

Human beings, above all other animals on the planet possess the wonderful ability to reason. In most situations we tend to think before we act. Unlike less intelligent species, before we do almost anything, we imagine possible results and potential pitfalls. We think about how our actions and reactions might help us, harm us, propel us forward or hold us back. We thrive on information and we fill our heads with all kinds of thoughts and ideas about how we should live our lives. We are the superior species on earth because we think a lot, learn a lot, reason a lot and do a lot of incredible things after a good deal of intellectual assessment.

Sometimes because of external influences or internal fears, our thoughts become negative.

We might imagine that someone or something in our lives might harm us in some way or we might think that for some reason, we are not capable of doing something that we need to do in order to succeed. When our thoughts turn to black, our mood will change for the worse and our performance will begin to lag. During those down periods we will often say or do things that are not characteristic of our usual behavior. In the worst cases, we might even strike out at those around us or withdraw into solitude in order to avoid the source of our trepidations. We might turn away from people who matter to us and people who only want the best for us.

The worst thing about bad thoughts is that they put our lives on hold.

While we are under the control of bad thoughts, we stop trying, we stop doing and we fail to get on with living. We should never allow a bad thought to stop us from doing something that must be done or something that we really want to do. Despite the fact that we all want to avoid them, human beings allow bad thoughts to consume them and take charge of their lives every day! Bad thoughts, when allowed to rule are the enemies of optimism, the thieves of enthusiasm and the killers of motivation.

Often our bad thoughts will consume us for extended periods.

During those times, we will be depressed, impatient, uncommunicative, anxious or confrontational. Our human, negative energy will bubble to the surface and change our normal demeanour into something that is unpalatable to others. In essence our internal bad thoughts can ultimately become our external reality as we drive people away from us while becoming sad, lonely spectres of our normal selves.

Do not allow your bad thoughts to control you. Here are some tips to help you recognize and take control of your own negative energy. You can do all of them, some of them, or just one. The important thing is to do something.

When a bad thought enters your mind:

1. ASK YOURSELF, “WHAT IS THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN?” (If the answer does not include death or physical harm, you will be much more likely to move past it.)

2. SETTLE DOWN. (Take a deep breath and think about some good things in your life. Tell yourself that you are a good person with a good life and that you can get beyond the current set-back.)

3. SAY IT OUT LOUD. (You can say it alone behind closed doors, or you can say it to a trusted confidant. Once you have verbalized your thoughts, they become much easier to deal with.)

4. TALK TO A FRIEND, A CLOSE RELATIVE, A TRUSTED CO-WORKER OR SOMEONE ELSE WHO WILL LISTEN. (You need to hear an alternative point-of-view in order to put things into perspective.)

5. SEEK OUT A RESOLUTION. (You can work on the problem with another person or you can think of a variety of courses of action and positive resolutions on your own.)

6. WRITE IT DOWN. (Write down the bad thought and read it over. Then right down all of the possible outcomes of it...both positive and negative. When you see it in writing it will take on a different look.)

7. IF IT INVOLVES ANOTHER PERSON, GIVE THEM A BREAK. (Think about the fact that nothing good ever comes from negativity and that forgiveness is the antidote to hard feelings.)

8. CONFRONT IT HEAD-ON. (If you have a bad thought, it has to be given life before it can die a natural death. Face the situation and deal with it in an open, honest, courageous but sensitive way.)

9. FORGIVE YOURSELF. (Human beings tend to be hard on themselves. You need to be able to accept that you will make mistakes sometimes and that you are better than you think you are at that moment.)

10. DEAL WITH IT RIGHT AWAY! (Do not allow a bad thought to grow and fester in your mind. If left unfettered a bad thought can grow into a major tragedy or a life-changing trauma before you know it.

Overcoming bad thoughts must be a deliberate, conscious and extraordinarily positive act.

From now on, when a bad thought enters your mind remember that it must not be allowed to control you. Take time out of your busy day to think about it, eliminate it, and move on to more positive thoughts as quickly as you can.

All the Best!

Wayne Kehl

A New Year's Wish For Leaders

Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbours, and let every New Year find you a better man or woman.”

~Benjamin Franklin

Oh, if we could all just follow Benjamin Franklin’s advice, what a wonderful world it would be. Why must we all find fault with each other while carrying anger and hatred into the world? Why do so many of us want to see others fail so that we can succeed and why do we defend our lies as if they are truths?

Why are human beings so flawed, and why is each one of us so tragically human?

During the Christmas season the world is full of love and goodwill toward all mankind. Almost immediately after that, the New Year comes along and millions of folks make resolutions that most will never comply with. For those two days of the year we practice universal love and make conscious decisions to be better men and women.

For the rest of the year, most of us simply go back to being the people we are and have always been with the inevitable consequences…wars rage on, crime rates escalate, court room waiting lists get longer, people die in alcohol related accidents, ordinary people die from substance abuse, others die from lung cancer, strokes, heart disease and violence; obesity levels grow and we all continue our race to self-induced oblivion.

It seems that most of us cannot sustain a conscious effort to be better men and women for more than a couple of days each year.

This year, why not become a leader to everyone in your life?

Why not set the example by overcoming your vices, putting aside your anger, adopting an attitude of pure positive thoughts and actions and by making a concerted effort to be a better person?

Can you do it? Can you be the one person who will make a difference? You probably cannot change the world single-handedly, but you can make a difference in your environment and you can make improvements in your own life that others will notice.

Forget about societal, cultural, employment related, success driven, peer pressure-induced urges and just do what you know is right. Resist the vices that you know are not helping you succeed, always put on a smile for everyone you meet, reach for positive thoughts in every situation and always do your best. Most importantly, make a deliberate effort to be a better person. If you do that, you will never suffer from guilt of any kind and you will be a model for everyone you meet. In some way, large or small, you will be a leader of mankind.

Benjamin Franklin lived from 1706 to 1790 and yet he observed the same human behaviour that we all live with in 2012. Take a page out of his book and be someone who leads others to a better world.

It is never too late to set a great example for others. Your goodness will always be noticed and appreciated.

All the Best!



Wayne Kehl

Why do we talk about leadership so much? (video)

What Does The Future Hold For Our Aimless Youth?

The young people we know as Generation “Y” will soon overtake the rapidly retiring boomer generation in the workforce. When that changing of the guard comes to full fruition, the young people of today will be expected to keep the country running by filling all of the jobs and running all of the organizations that their Boomer predecessors leave behind.

DAZED AND CONFUSED.

In every generation, there are keeners; those amazingly talented, intelligent, resourceful people who know what they are good at, what they want, and how to go out and get it. However, many of the young people who graduate from high school and make their way into the workforce every year are frankly, dazed and confused...they don’t know what to do and they are afraid of what the future holds. Through no fault of their own, they are aimless and lost in a sea of bewilderment.

YOU MADE THEM WHAT THEY ARE.

Considering the amazing amount of contradiction and misinformation that Boomer and Generation “X” parents have tossed at Generation “Y” all their lives, it is no wonder many of them are aimless. They have been praised, protected, doted on and rewarded by parents and teachers all of their lives. They have no idea what overcoming obstacles means and they have a profound lack of understanding of the subtleties and cruelties of the business world. They have been taught to believe in themselves and have an ingrained faith that they will succeed. However, as they near the precipice of independence, they are beginning to realize that neither their parents nor teachers prepared them for real jobs in the real world. They simply have no idea what they might excel at or where their talents might be best utilized.

Generation “Y” has a fundamental belief that they should never settle for second best. They want to start at the top of the pay scale and they believe they should have everything their parents have, almost immediately after they leave home. Because of their liberal and generous upbringings, many young folks make it all the way to high school graduation without ever contemplating the fact that they will ultimately be singularly responsible for their own lives. Imagine the horror of leaving the nest without a mature, functional pair of wings!

THEY HAVE NO DIRECTION.

Parents and teachers in most cases have done a less than effective job of preparing our young people for the real world. They did not encourage them into any particular profession or career path. Oh sure, they bought them laptop computers and I-phones and they told them they would be great at whatever they did as long as they did their best, but they did not map out a clear path for adult success. Many parents and teachers told kids that they should become computer literate, get a good education and avoid dirty jobs where physical labour is involved. Of course, they wanted the best for their kids when they provided all of that support, but they did not think it through; they did not balance their encouragement and advice with research and practicality so that they could provide clear direction to their progeny. Hence, many of our youths are wandering the streets, avenues, and shopping malls of North America with a deeply embedded sense of despair and no clear plan for their lives. Here is what they might be thinking:

“Should I be a doctor, a lawyer, a pharmacist, a writer, a teacher, a computer programmer, a rock star, a movie star, a disc jockey, an entrepreneur, an employee, a CEO or a taxi driver? Mom and Dad told me I would do well at anything I tried but what in the name of Bill Gates and Britney Spears, should I try? I don’t know what to do!”

WHAT IS THE ANSWER? HOW CAN WE FIX IT?

It is never too late to help your children find their true calling. The first thing you need to do is sit down with them and ask them what they want to do. Do not assume that what you want for them is the right thing because if you try to force them to do something that you feel would make a wonderful occupation for them you might find that it is quite the opposite of what they want. In the worst case scenario you might also eventually find out that they are simply not capable of doing well at it after spending thousands of dollars on education costs. Let’s face it, everyone cannot be a great surgeon or a skilled airline pilot and in both cases, the practitioners of those occupations must be extremely good at what they do. Just doing their best when their best is not good enough will not cut it.

Create an unthreatening, safe environment and have an open, honest discussion with your kids about what they want and then agree to help them achieve it. If they are completely confused and simply have no idea what they want to do, you might have to dig deeper. In that case, you can employ a professional employment counsellor to work with him or her. That can be quite costly however, so for much less expense, you can do a skills and talent assessment that will point you both in the right direction. Most assessments can be done online with a report generated on your computer within seconds of the survey being completed. They are very accurate and extremely helpful. For maximum clarity and impartiality you should have a trained professional debrief you and your son or daughter on the report. Once you have been through it, you will have a much better idea of what sort of occupation your kids belong in.

THE FIRST STEP IS RECOGNIZING THAT YOUR KIDS MIGHT NOT HAVE A CLEAR DIRECTION FOR THE FUTURE.

Once you have accepted that they have no plan for the future, ask them if they know where they want go and what they want to do. Make it clear that even though their direction might not be what you expected, it is okay with you and that you will support them. Do not make the assumption that they will get by on their brilliance and sparkling personalites. Although they might seem mature to you, they are just young impressionable people who need a boost from you to make the next big step in their lives.

You created them and they are yours from birth until death. You owe them every opportunity to succeed.

All the Best

Wayne Kehl

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GENERATION "Y" IS GETTING A BUM RAP!

I am a man in his fifties who spent the majority of his career as a manager of people. During that time I have managed Boomers, Generation “X”, Generation “Y” and even a few Traditionals. (Traditionals are people now in their late sixties to early nineties). Of all the age or generation groups I had the privilege to manage I accomplished greater things and had more pure enjoyment with Generation “Y” than any of the others.

Generation “Y” are now people in their late teens to early thirties. They are the young, vibrant people you see on the street; they are the fashion models you see on the runways and the scholars you see strolling about the campuses of the best Universities: They are the people who will soon control most of the world’s finances and create most of the world’s future inventions and innovations. In short, the next wave of professors, power-brokers and storekeepers will all be Generation “Y”... They will soon rule the world!

WHO IS TO BLAME?

Generation “Y” is often characterized by employers, co-workers and business writers as being spoiled, lazy, rude, irresponsible, and flippant. Many older people seem to think that they have no ambition and no desire to do good work. The Boomers and Generation “X” parents who nurtured, educated and moulded the minds of Generation “Y” children now seem to feel that their progeny will be almost useless in the world of business and industry. We are products of our environment and if Generation “Y” is a deficient generation their parents have no one to blame but themselves.

WE DIDN'T HAVE IT SO GOOD!

In fairness to Boomer and Generation “X” parents; they were only trying to be the best maternal and paternal influences they could be. They wanted to provide their kids with everything they were deprived of as children because of the shortage of discretionary income that their Traditional parents had during the fifties and sixties. As the western world grew generally wealthier and every garage had at least one and half cars in it, the material possessions of children became more elaborate and more expensive. Children began to understand that almost anything was attainable and all they had to do was ask for a new toy and it magically appeared. On the other hand, as children in the fifties, most of us had to play with broken and dirty toys that had been handed down from older siblings.

YOU GAVE THEM EVERYTHING THEY WANTED!

Most Generation “Y” kids have the best of everything and wear jeans and shoes with famous labels on them, the cost of which I still have trouble believing. I have known parents who purchased brand new cars for their children on the day they qualified for a driver’s licence. I have even known parents who took out loans or mortgaged their houses so that their kids could drive nice automobiles! I have seen numerous children taken out of school by their parents during an important semester for exotic vacations or less important things like family reunions and out-of-town weddings.

WHAT ARE THEY TEACHING OUR KIDS IN SCHOOL?

The evolution of the school system has not helped Generation “Y” fit into our old-fashioned view of work ethics and diligence either. Schools have gone from honouring excellence and holding back failure, to treating everyone the same regardless of scholarly ability or relative achievement levels. Sports days went from recognizing higher athletic ability with ribbons for only the top three kids in any event, to giving a ribbon to every child that shows up. Children are now advanced to the next grade even if they have not actually done the work and passed the necessary examinations in order to earn a pass. Apparently it is unfair to hold them back and much better to move them into a grade they are not prepared for...I don’t get it!

Kids are now taught that all anyone can ask a person to do is their best...even if their best is not good enough to get the job done. If they fail at anything they are told that that as long as they did their best everything is okay. Imagine an engineer who fails to put enough steel or concrete into a design for a skyscraper. When the building falls down, he will have difficulty convincing anyone that his best was good enough. It seems that educators and parents have not prepared Generation “Y” for life in the real world as we know it.

NO WONDER GENERATION “Y” SEEMS SPOILED!

No wonder they are demanding and rude (by our standards); no wonder they want to start at the top of the pay scale; and no wonder they want time off from work whenever they feel they need it. No one has ever said NO to them and no one ever told them that they were not very good at everything they tried. They have amazingly high expectations because we told them to expect to get everything they ask for. Remember too, that their parents and teachers taught them never to settle for second best and to always stand up for their rights. They are products of their environment and they are everything they should be, considering the world they grew up in.

I AM OPTIMISTIC!

Most of the Generation “Y” people that worked for me had the kind of upbringing that I have described here. Despite that, when I took the time to understand what they wanted and how they wanted to go about doing their work, I found them as capable as any Boomer or Generation “X” worker. When they are doing a job they enjoy and are allowed the freedom to do it in the manner that makes them most comfortable, their work ethics and intellect are as strong as anyone else’s. As in every generation, there are exceptions (good and bad) but as an overall group I love the enthusiasm and initiative that Generation “Y” is able to bring to the workplace.

I can accept that working with Generation “Y” might require a little more patience for older managers and co-workers, but I believe the results will make the effort worthwhile. When Generation “Y” people are at their best, they are unstoppable. It is up to the managers and leaders of the world to draw the best out of them and give them the freedom to fly.

GENERATION “Y” KIDS JUST WANTS TO SHOW YOU HOW GREAT THEY REALLY ARE!

Always keep in mind that we made our children into the Generation “Y” they are and we nurtured every positive and negative element of their personalities. Since we are responsible for them, let’s give them a break and help them realize their true potential as they become the guardians of our legacy.

All the Best

Wayne Kehl

How To Be A Bad Leader

My articles usually focus on how to be a good leader or a better leader. In fact, most leadership articles available on the internet or elsewhere focus on the positive elements of leading. Many leadership writers prefer to write about completely positive things and focus on what leaders should do to be recognized as the best leaders.  In reality, the main reason we need to learn about leadership is so that we can avoid being bad leaders! With that in mind, this article will talk about how bad leaders operate and the kinds of things they do to be recognized as having highly deficient or defective leadership skills. It is intended to be a little sardonic, so watch out for the humour in it and don’t take it personally.

WARNING: IF YOU RECOGNIZE YOURSELF IN ANY PART OF THIS ARTICLE, YOU MIGHT ALREADY BE A BAD LEADER!

Bad leaders fall into ten categories. People who are not capable of establishing a solid base of loyal, devoted followers can be identified by one or more of the following traits:

1.       Command and Control leaders...It is “my way or the highway” for these folks. They fly around like chickens with their heads cut off, make a lot of demands, and rule by intimidation. Nothing is ever good enough for them.

2.      Non-leading Leaders...These are the leaders who either hide in their offices reading, emailing and holding the phone to their ear all day or leaders who are often absent from the workplace on the guise of doing important work somewhere else. They sometimes do not know the names of their employees and add little or nothing to the workplace experience.

3.      Know-nothing Leaders...Leaders who managed to get into a job leading something they have little or no knowledge of and often have no intention of learning. They try to inspire through some sort of personal style but their lack of knowledge of the department they control is evident to all. They are usually not aware that nobody is really following them.

4.      Do-nothing Leaders...Leaders who might actually know a lot about their department but choose to avoid getting involved with their employees or the work they do. They often delegate everything to lower-level line managers or supervisors because they think good delegation skills mean they don’t have to do anything. They are busy doing a lot of nothing.

5.      Suck-up Leaders...These ones are so insecure and afraid of their employees that they always appear to be begging their teams to do their jobs. Often they are simply too nice for their own good. They are usually ineffective but if they are fortunate enough to have some sympathetic employees they might actually get a few things done.

6.      Blind Leaders...These folks can see what is going on but are either too dense or too afraid to realize that it might be time for them to act like a leader. They allow bad behavior, poor performance, favouritism and employee conflicts to go on unabated. They often have high turnover rates and cannot understand why nobody wants to work for them.

7.      Insincere Leaders...In order to get ahead, these leaders will say anything to anyone, at anytime, believing that the end justifies the means. They will make promises they cannot keep nor have any intention of keeping, and they will make false compliments to avoid conflict. They delude themselves of their own self-importance but nobody believes anything they say.

8.      Gossiping Leaders...These folks gossip about their organization, their superiors, their employees, their customers, their suppliers and just about anything else that creates good, juicy water cooler talk. They do not understand confidentiality and they pit employee against employee and manager against manager, while avoiding their own responsibilities. Employees don’t trust them and nobody wants to tell them anything because they know it will be repeated.

9.      Defensive Leaders...Leaders who never take responsibility for anything. These people always blame someone else when things go wrong and take all of the glory for themselves when things go right. They are the antithesis of leadership but they think that by deflecting blame, and hoarding success, they are fooling everyone...but nobody is being fooled.

10.  Uncommunicative Leaders...These leaders refuse to tell anyone, anything. They do not feel that employees have the right to know what is going on beyond their specific work-stations or that they have any business knowing about the relative success or failure of their organization. They withhold financial information and refuse to speak to subordinates about the lofty management plans they have or the organizational decisions they might make. Every new thing that happens in the organization comes as a surprise, and usually on short-notice to the workers. Employee dissatisfaction and poor morale reign in their empires.

Everyone on earth who has ever had a job has known a leader with some of the traits indicated here. If you do not want to be a bad leader, the key is to recognize the mistakes you might be making and strive to eliminate and avoid repeating them. If, on the other hand, you are okay with being a bad leader then try out all of the ideas presented here to see which ones create the worst results.

THE 10 A’S OF BAD LEADERSHIP

Often people who operate in one or more of the ten categories of bad leadership will display some of the following behaviours on a regular basis:

1.      Arrogance

2.      Anxiety

3.      Aloofness

4.      Anger

5.      Apathy

6.      Absenteeism

7.      Annoyance

8.      Agitation

9.      Antagonism

10.  Aimlessness

Practice some or all of these for maximum morale-killing effects!

There you have it: Some great ways to be a bad leader! If you utilize as many of these secrets as possible, you too, can join the ranks of the worst leaders on earth.  

Start by showing this article to a trusted colleague or employee and ask him or her if you are guilty of any of these things...Then, get to work making a difference in yourself!

All the Best!

Wayne Kehl 

How To Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking

Everyone on earth, except perhaps those who have completely taken leave of their senses, has fears of one kind or another. Fear is as much a part of the human emotional system as joy, anger and love. Many times, our fears add value to our lives because they prevent us from doing dangerous things but on other occasions our fears detract from our lives because they prevent us from doing the things we truly want to do.

Everyone has different fears.

Various studies tell us that one of the greatest fears known to mankind is the fear of public speaking. In my case, that is not true at all. I do a lot of public speaking and not only am I not frightened by the prospect of it, but I enjoy it to the point that I look forward to it. I did however, have a profound fear of public speaking in my youth. Until now, I had not considered how I overcame my greatest fear because it happened over a period of years and after a number of fumbles and bad starts. It was an evolutionary change brought on by the necessities of my career. The more I did, the more my confidence rose and the less fearful I became.

Usually, the fear itself is not as great a challenge as the ability to overcome it. Facing the idea of battling a fear head-on is much more daunting than actually living quietly with it.

In order to reduce or eliminate a fear, we must understand what is causing it. Fears are warnings of things that have not happened yet. When you are fearful, your mind is setting up a series of mental alarms and emotional defence mechanisms designed to prevent you from doing something. The emotion of fear and the accompanying emotions of anxiety, trepidation, depression or anger are all put into play when the assemblage of your experience, knowledge, memories, nightmares and advice of others come together to focus on the event, thing, person or situation before you. Even though nothing bad has happened yet, the combined body of intelligence that is your psyche’ begins to tell you to avoid a situation that could, conceivably put you in harm’s way. If you allow fear to control you, it will never cease to torment you.

When fear takes hold, it causes us to become weak and helpless.

If the fear is imminent and potentially harmful enough, it might cause us to react with a physical action of some sort. This is commonly known as the fight or flight response. When our brain tells us that fight or flight is necessary, our reactions can vary from a full-on attack on the person or thing that we fear, or a simple turn-and-run-away response. In both cases, our intention is to save ourselves from potential harm. If we attack, we might destroy the object of our fears or drive it off...thereby neutralizing it. If we run away we will leave it behind...at least temporarily.

Living with fear or living a life of fight or flight is not an acceptable way to get through our short time on earth and accordingly, it is best to move beyond our fears. However, we cannot push past a fear until we understand what causes it. In the case of the fear of public speaking, I learned over time, that the basis for my early fear was that I had a desperate need to avoid failure. I had an unspoken belief that if what I had to say was inadequate for the audience, or if I stammered, stuttered or forgot my lines, I would be made to look foolish in front of my peers and superiors. In the worst case scenario I might be jeered, insulted and chased off the stage.  I was afraid not only of the actual speaking, but of the ridicule, embarrassment, dishonour and distress it might cause me.

The next time you are faced with a fear, ask yourself these questions:

·         What am I afraid of?

·         Why are other people I know not afraid of this?

·         What is the worst thing that could happen?

·         Will challenging this fear end my life?

·         Will this situation cause me any physical harm?

·         What precautions can I take to avoid failure?

·         Will the embarrassment, dishonour or distress of failing damage my career or my relationships with those most important to me?

·         Will others forgive me if I fail?

·         Can I forgive myself if I fail?

·         Is it worth the effort to overcome this fear?

Most fears cannot be overcome immediately.

Because real fears are lodged firmly in the instinctive part of your brain, the Amygdala, your fight or flight response will continue until the cognitive part of your brain, the Neo-cortex rationalizes the fact that there is no imminent harm presented by the object of your fears. With strong desire and real effort, you can convince your brain, in time to accept the negative potential events you fear and eliminate its effects on you.

If you never give up trying to overcome your fear and face it often you will eventually succeed. Practice speaking in front of a mirror, in front of friends, and in front of small groups. When you see the smiles on the faces of your friendly audience your confidence will soar. When your listeners nod knowingly and applaud when you are done, you will be a public speaker and you will no longer have to live with fear.

Five steps to public speaking success:

·         The only way to overcome fear is to put your toe in the water and test the temperature often. Speak every chance you get.

·         Have friends or loved ones come with you for emotional support while you try it out.

·         While you are trying it out, convince yourself that failure is an option and that once you have gotten all of the missteps and fumbles out of the way, you will improve.

·         Always maintain a belief that you can succeed.

·         Practice, practice, practice!

Most people can be much better speakers than they actually think they can. Push your fear out the door and give yourself a chance to be great!

All the Best

Wayne Kehl