Father's Day Reflections

Another Father’s Day has come and gone and for some it was a grand time filled with celebration and excitement while for others it went by almost unnoticed.

No matter how you spent the day, I hope you thought deeply about your relationship with your father. If you are an adult, living away from your father’s home, your relationship will have changed somewhat from the days when you resided under the same roof. You might not be able to experience the physical closeness that you once had with your Dad, but you can always remember his lessons and his love.

It is important for us all to remember what we learned from our Dad’s because no matter how much we might have disagreed with it at the time, deep within everything they said there was a grain of wisdom and truth, wrapped up in loving intentions. Our Dad’s tried to send us on a path...regardless of whether or not it was a path we wanted to follow doesn’t matter now. What matters is that in our Dad’s mind, he wanted us to do well. No matter how harsh, how mild, how emphatic or how ordinary his words or his actions might have seemed at the time, it was his intention to help us to a better, brighter future.

Some of you have lost your Father and that is sad because you will never be able to tangibly experience his lessons or his love again. Some of you have simply lost touch with your Father because of logistics or disagreements. If your father is still alive and you have not spoken with him for some time, I encourage you to remember the good times with your Dad and think about visiting him or at least picking up the phone. Don’t wait for him to call you...Father’s often tend to want their children to fly-on-their- own once they have left the nest. They sometimes fear that they might interfere in the natural flow of life that their offspring enjoy. Sometimes they simply fear rejection from the one they love the most! Forgive them, for they are trapped within their own belief system!

The relationship between a Father and his Son or Daughter is special. It is the Father’s role to protect his progeny from harm and make certain that life treats them fairly. Most men are born with a natural propensity for paternity. We understand from an early age that although we cannot give birth, we must be the ones who make the lives or our children wonderful; filled with fun, happiness, and security. Most of us Dad’s will go through life, thinking about our children and wondering if at any moment in time, they are out of harm’s way. We will drop whatever we are doing and race to the aid of our kids if we sense that they are in trouble or if danger is lurking. A father’s life is not complete until he is confident that his children are going to always be safe and secure. A father is an instinctive defender of his children and most of us take that role very seriously. Sometimes we might seem overly protective...but we can’t help it!

Most importantly, Father’s love their children. Often, because of familial or cultural conditioning, men do a poor job of expressing their love. They hold back and do the manly thing of being strong, curt, and even critical. The most uncommunicative fathers frequently wish they could be more expressive...that they could be more like mothers who kiss the tears away from their children’s eyes while consoling them and telling them that everything will be okay.

For some Father’s protection means being tough...it means teaching kids that the world is a harsh place and that children must learn to be strong in order to survive. For some kid’s it seems that nothing they do is ever good enough for their Dad. In reality, everything difficult thing they do to try in order to meet Dad’s standards or to please Dad is exactly what he wants. He wants to see them TRY and he wants to see them put in a good deal of effort. Even if perfection is not achieved, regardless of whether he cheers, nit-picks, or criticizes, a Dad only wants to see his children do well. His paternal instinct tells him that he must be involved and he must always impart lessons to his kids so that they can succeed in all they do.

Next year on Father’s Day, I hope you think deeply about your Dad and all of the good he brought into your life. Forget about the bad things! The past is in the past and can never be repeated. However, if you remember the good lessons and how they shaped your present, the future will seem oh, so much brighter.

All the Best!

Wayne Kehl

Understanding DISC #3, Blending the DISC Styles

In the last 2 issues of “Understanding DISC” we described the basic elements of DISC: Dominance, Influencing, Steadiness, and Compliance. If you do not have that article available you can find it on our website on this link: https://www.dlionline.ca/news.php?id=28

Now that we understand the basic personality styles, it is time to learn how they blend within each and every personality.

Firstly, we must reiterate that every person’s personality has all four of the behavioural elements within it to one degree or another. Each element of the personality will play off another depending on its intensity and the specific situation at hand.

In many cases, we find that behaviour is controlled by one major element.

That is why we often find DISC users using terminology such as “High D, High I, High S, or High C.” Although one of those elements is often dominant, it is seldom allowed to act on its own. For example, if a person has a “High D” style he or she might also have a “Low I” style at the same time which will make his or her behaviour significantly different than someone who is a “High D” and “High I.”

In the example given above, both individuals will be driven to incisive, potentially argumentative, direct and aggressive behaviour. However, a “High D” individual whose personality is tempered by a “Low I”, will tend to be pessimistic, untrusting and independent, while the person with the “High D” and “High I” will tend to be trusting, optimistic, and seek to resolve problems with the help of other people. The “Lower I” person will act with little or no sense of humour while the “Higher I” person will use humour to assist in solving the problem. The “Lower I” person will tend to try to force his or her agenda through while the “Higher I” person will attempt to persuade others to his or her agenda.

As you can see, although the individuals mentioned in the example are both “High D’s” their reaction to situations and their resulting behaviour will be quite different.

Now let’s look at the example of a “High I” whose behaviour is tempered by a “Low S” versus a “High I” person whose behaviour is influenced by a “High S.” In this case, both individuals will be friendly, sociable, and good at mixing with other people. However, the “Lower S” person whose pace is much faster will actively seek out new relationships and communication with others while the “Higher S” person will be slower to meet new people and will be open and amiable primarily with established friends and family members.

When the “S style” becomes a factor, either as a primary or secondary style influencer, individuals will approach situations at a different pace. Because of that subtle difference, casual observers might notice that one “High I” person is much more friendly and gregarious than another. The “Higher S” tends to reduce the naturally vivacious enthusiasm of the “High I” while the “Lower S” actually intensifies it.

Although “High I’s” tend to be outgoing and amiable, the other elements of their personalities will determine how it manifests itself.

Now let’s compare a “High S” person whose style is tempered by a “Low C” to a “High S” whose style is influence by a “High C”. It is important to note that at a “High S” tends to slow down the pace of an individual causing them to be very methodical, patient and often stubborn. In both cases the individual will tend to be persistent and persevering in the accomplishment of goals.

The person whose “High S” is tempered by a “Low C” will tend to display some independence, while the person who is influenced by the “Higher C” will show greater regard for the expectations of others. The person with the “Lower C” will persistently hang on to unpopular views and be resistant to change in approach to problems or people, while the person with the “Higher C” will be determined to remain “on course” but not at the expense of quality or at the risk of disappointing others.

Even though “High S” people are generally methodical and thoughtful, they will display a variety of reactions to situations depending on the intensity of an influencing “C” factor.

Now, let’s look at a how a “High C” can be influenced by a “Higher D” and a “Lower D”. Both will tend to be adaptable, dependable and soft spoken. The High “C” is naturally a stickler for rules and likes to put things into a “box”. They are critical thinkers and normally well disciplined.

In the case of the “High C” that is influenced by a “Lower D”, they will use humour to avoid confrontation, while the “High C” that is tempered by a “Higher D” will tend to become confrontational when pushed.

The “High C” that is influenced by the “Lower D” will behave according to established, respected procedures and systems while the “High C” that is tempered by the “Higher D” will tend to push quite hard to find correct, acceptable answers even if it means changing or creating procedures or systems.

Even though  “High C's” are generally cautious and exacting, they will react differently to challenges depending on the intensity of a high or low, “D” factor.

There are a myriad of possible combinations of the Dominance, Influencing, Steadiness, and Compliance styles of DISC. In fact there are far too many to outline here. However, we hope that these few examples provide enough information to show the complexity and value of the tool.

In future issues of “UNDERSTANDING DISC” we will discuss how the DISC styles work in human relationships and how to best communicate with the various styles.

This article is based on the work of Dr. William Moulton Marston, creator of the DISC model.

All the Best

Wayne Kehl

10 Tips To Overcome Bad Thoughts

Do you ever find yourself thinking bad thoughts about someone else?

Do you ever think bad thoughts about yourself?

Here is an easier question: “Are You Human?” If your answer to this one is YES, then you can honestly answer YES to the first two questions. Bad thoughts are human but we should not let them control us.

Human beings, above all other animals on the planet possess the wonderful ability to reason. In most situations we tend to think before we act. Unlike less intelligent species, before we do almost anything, we imagine possible results and potential pitfalls. We think about how our actions and reactions might help us, harm us, propel us forward or hold us back. We thrive on information and we fill our heads with all kinds of thoughts and ideas about how we should live our lives. We are the superior species on earth because we think a lot, learn a lot, reason a lot and do a lot of incredible things after a good deal of intellectual assessment.

Sometimes because of external influences or internal fears, our thoughts become negative.

We might imagine that someone or something in our lives might harm us in some way or we might think that for some reason, we are not capable of doing something that we need to do in order to succeed. When our thoughts turn to black, our mood will change for the worse and our performance will begin to lag. During those down periods we will often say or do things that are not characteristic of our usual behavior. In the worst cases, we might even strike out at those around us or withdraw into solitude in order to avoid the source of our trepidations. We might turn away from people who matter to us and people who only want the best for us.

The worst thing about bad thoughts is that they put our lives on hold.

While we are under the control of bad thoughts, we stop trying, we stop doing and we fail to get on with living. We should never allow a bad thought to stop us from doing something that must be done or something that we really want to do. Despite the fact that we all want to avoid them, human beings allow bad thoughts to consume them and take charge of their lives every day! Bad thoughts, when allowed to rule are the enemies of optimism, the thieves of enthusiasm and the killers of motivation.

Often our bad thoughts will consume us for extended periods.

During those times, we will be depressed, impatient, uncommunicative, anxious or confrontational. Our human, negative energy will bubble to the surface and change our normal demeanour into something that is unpalatable to others. In essence our internal bad thoughts can ultimately become our external reality as we drive people away from us while becoming sad, lonely spectres of our normal selves.

Do not allow your bad thoughts to control you. Here are some tips to help you recognize and take control of your own negative energy. You can do all of them, some of them, or just one. The important thing is to do something.

When a bad thought enters your mind:

1. ASK YOURSELF, “WHAT IS THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN?” (If the answer does not include death or physical harm, you will be much more likely to move past it.)

2. SETTLE DOWN. (Take a deep breath and think about some good things in your life. Tell yourself that you are a good person with a good life and that you can get beyond the current set-back.)

3. SAY IT OUT LOUD. (You can say it alone behind closed doors, or you can say it to a trusted confidant. Once you have verbalized your thoughts, they become much easier to deal with.)

4. TALK TO A FRIEND, A CLOSE RELATIVE, A TRUSTED CO-WORKER OR SOMEONE ELSE WHO WILL LISTEN. (You need to hear an alternative point-of-view in order to put things into perspective.)

5. SEEK OUT A RESOLUTION. (You can work on the problem with another person or you can think of a variety of courses of action and positive resolutions on your own.)

6. WRITE IT DOWN. (Write down the bad thought and read it over. Then right down all of the possible outcomes of it...both positive and negative. When you see it in writing it will take on a different look.)

7. IF IT INVOLVES ANOTHER PERSON, GIVE THEM A BREAK. (Think about the fact that nothing good ever comes from negativity and that forgiveness is the antidote to hard feelings.)

8. CONFRONT IT HEAD-ON. (If you have a bad thought, it has to be given life before it can die a natural death. Face the situation and deal with it in an open, honest, courageous but sensitive way.)

9. FORGIVE YOURSELF. (Human beings tend to be hard on themselves. You need to be able to accept that you will make mistakes sometimes and that you are better than you think you are at that moment.)

10. DEAL WITH IT RIGHT AWAY! (Do not allow a bad thought to grow and fester in your mind. If left unfettered a bad thought can grow into a major tragedy or a life-changing trauma before you know it.

Overcoming bad thoughts must be a deliberate, conscious and extraordinarily positive act.

From now on, when a bad thought enters your mind remember that it must not be allowed to control you. Take time out of your busy day to think about it, eliminate it, and move on to more positive thoughts as quickly as you can.

All the Best!

Wayne Kehl

Are You Willing to Risk Your Life?

On Remembrance Day and Veteran’s Day it is important for us all to reflect on the sacrifice and devotion to duty shown by so many of our brave men and women all over the world. But, what does the observation of past and present wars mean to you?

November 11th is not about poppies, wreaths or cenotaphs. Those are only symbols to remind us of our brave military men and women. What November 11 is really about is courage and raw, unshakeable allegiance to a country. Veterans of all wars offered something that most of us have never and will never have to consider as an option. They offered their lives. They offered their countries the right to use them as corporeal weapons of war. When they made that offer to their Governments, they knew full well that they might never return from whatever theatre of war they would ultimately enter. They knew the enemy forces they would encounter would show them no mercy and that they too might have to make the definitive, irrevocable decision to end another person’s life.

Because it is neither natural or normal for human beings to deliberately end the lives of other human beings, our Veterans made another sacrifice. They put their integrity, their morals, and their spirituality on the line along with their bodies. They chose to overlook their natural predisposition to saving the lives of others in favour of protecting their fellow countryman from enemy forces. As much as killing did not come easily to them, they did it for the love of their homeland and the people back home they so desperately wanted to protect. Most importantly, they did these incredible things while asking nothing in return.

Members of all branches of the military were (and still are) asked to fight in unbelievably unpleasant and dangerous conditions, thousands of miles from their homes and families. They ate bad food and were paid very little for doing the most dangerous and important jobs on earth. And yet they fought selflessly until the war was over. Each time a war began, our Veterans finished it. Some came home...some did not. Some came back unharmed...others came back broken, torn, shell-shocked, and emotionally distressed. All had offered up the ultimate price...their personal right to life.

“Lest We Forget” has two meanings for me:

Firstly, we the non-Veterans of the world must never forget the sacrifices our Veterans made for us.

Secondly, we must all accept that our veterans will never forget what they were forced to do in service of their country. Veterans never forget the places they fought, the weapons they fired, or the enemy soldiers they killed and wounded. How could they? No human being could possibly forget the horrors of combat.

Our Veterans gave all they had physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.

Wars are started by politicians but they are fought by fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, friends and family members. We must always remember that our fighting men and women must be honoured for their service and that honour must never be tarnished by politics or protest. Veterans are heroes who do their duty at their own behest and for the most excellent of reasons. They are the best part of war and the best part of our humanity.

That is my dad, Dave Kehl with his head sticking out of the hatch as he drives his Sherman tank in Normandy France 1944.

 

My dad fought in World War II and still carries a piece of German Shrapnel in his back to this very day. He is 88 years old now and he has never forgotten his service to his country. In fact he speaks of the war years with more clarity than perhaps anything else in his life. Unlike my father, I have never had to offer my life for virtually anything. Because my dad and millions of other Veterans fought for my freedom I have lived a very comfortable and secure life. At age 59, I find myself wondering what I would do if I was in their position and what my life would have been like if I was forced to experience what my dad experienced.

I offer my heartfelt gratitude to my dad and to every other man and woman who ever risked his or her life for their country. They represent the best of us!

Are you willing to risk your life?

LEST WE FORGET

Wayne Kehl

Ten Ways To Make Your Employees Adore You (video)

Please do not confuse adoration with lovability or even likeability. Effective leaders have a mystique about them that sets them apart from other mortals. They have an ability to garner respect, admiration, reverence, and generally high regard wherever they go. Those are the elements of adoration that we will be dealing with in this video.

No two leaders are the same. They all have their own distinct style. Some exude kindness and warmth while others reek of authority and influence. Some lead by example while others lead through delegation. Some do things on impulse and immediate action while others are methodical and unhurried. These are products of individual personalities and no one style is better than another. They can all create success when fused with the essential elements of leadership.

No matter what style you might have, you can earn the adoration of your employees.

HERE ARE THE TEN ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS OF LEADERSHIP ADORATION:

1. In order to be adored as a leader you must listen to the people who work with you. Listening is an indication of respect. It shows that you are interested in them and that what they have to say matters. Most importantly, it shows that they have so much value that you will give up your most precious leadership commodity for them...your time.

2. If you want adoration, talk to your people. Tell them what you are thinking. Tell them about yourself. Let them know that you are human and that you have the same fears, feelings, problems and concerns that they do. If you make yourself human to them they will be compelled to support and protect you when the need arises.

3. You must control your emotions if you expect true adoration from your followers. Angry, depressed, impatient, sad, giddy, or moody people cannot gain respect and will not be taken seriously by anyone. A calm, even demeanour with moments of obvious excitement (at appropriate times) will show followers that you are in control of yourself and therefore more likely to be someone of good character and a strong mind.

4. Adorable people have a sense of humour. A dour, humourless demeanour might seem appropriate in some situations, but a regular diet of it in a leadership position is a morale killer. When people say things to you that they think are funny...laugh! It is not a hard thing to do. Only laugh at appropriate things and when offering your own humour, make sure you do not cross the line of inappropriateness. Work should not be punishment and it follows that a joyful workplace is a productive workplace. If you are not exhibiting humour from time to time, you have not realized your full leadership potential.

5. Make yourself available and adoration will follow. If you are truly leading, you are visible, available and transparent. Stop making excuses for not spending time with your followers. Get up from your desk and talk to them. When they want to speak with you in private, stop what you are doing (if possible) and talk to them. When they have a problem, listen to them with an open mind and do everything in your power to help them through it. Be their omnipresent symbol of strength.

6. Trust your employees and they will adore you. The greatest display of respect you can show an employee is to trust him or her to do the job properly, on time and on budget. Once the training phase is over and you know they are competent, leave them alone and do not meddle. Ask for progress reports and occasional performance evaluations but during the course of the workday, leave them alone and only attempt to help when they ask. The only interference you should present is a pat on the back for a job well done or a celebration for a special success. Your trust in them will be returned with respect and admiration for you.

7. Communicate with your people and they will adore you. One of the most common complaints from employees is that they have little or no communication with management. What they want is more than idle chat. They want to know what is going on, what the vision of the company is, what your personal vision is, the financial strength and growth of the company, and where the company is going. They want to be an integral part of the organization and the more you tell them about where the company is taking them, the more they will admire you.

8. To be adored you must always be cognizant of how you present yourself. Unlike some other human beings, leaders must always dress appropriately, clean and groom themselves appropriately, speak clearly and concisely and act in a politically correct fashion. Sloppy, slovenly, smelly people seldom make good leaders. People who mumble, speak too softly, tell dirty jokes or use a lot of foul language have difficulty gaining respect from followers or superiors. If you are having trouble finding adoration at work, give yourself an honest personal evaluation and make the necessary changes.

9. If you fight for your employees you can become the most adored leader of all. Followers want their leaders to be bold, courageous, loyal warriors who will support them, protect them and speak highly of them at all times. Leaders who put their own success and safety second to that of their employees will be held in high regard. Leaders who get involved when employees get into conflicts or bravely put themselves into the middle of customer confrontations are the most revered of all. If you make it clear to your people that you will be the last person into the life raft if the ship starts to go down you will be adored beyond your wildest imagination.

10. Honesty is an adorable trait. Dishonesty is not! Big lies, small lies, promises not kept, and promises conveniently forgotten are all reasons for leadership catastrophe. No one wants to be lied to. If you always do unto others as you would have them do unto you and never tell an untruth you are on the path to adoration and leadership success.

Leadership is not easy, but by practising these few simple tenets you can enhance your leadership style and move to a higher level of success.

All the Best

Wayne Kehl

Why do we talk about leadership so much? (video)

Top Ten Ways To Be A Bad Leader - Video

 

 

My videos usually focus on how to be a good leader or a better leader. In fact, most leadership videos available on the internet or elsewhere focus on the positive elements of leading. Many leadership writers prefer to write  only about completely uplifting things and focus on what leaders should do to be recognized as the best leaders.  In reality, the main reason we need to learn about leadership is so that we can avoid being bad leaders! With that in mind, this video will talk about how bad leaders operate and the kinds of things they do to be recognized as having highly deficient or defective leadership skills.

WARNING: IF YOU RECOGNIZE YOURSELF IN ANY PART OF THIS VIDEO, YOU MIGHT ALREADY BE A BAD LEADER!

Bad leaders fall into ten categories. People who are not capable of establishing a solid base of loyal, devoted followers can be identified by one or more of the following traits:

1.       Command and Control leaders...It is “my way or the highway” for these folks. They fly around like chickens with their heads cut off, make a lot of demands, and rule by intimidation. Nothing is ever good enough for them.

2.      Non-leading Leaders...These are the leaders who either hide in their offices reading, emailing and holding the phone to their ear all day or leaders who are often absent from the workplace on the guise of doing important work somewhere else. They sometimes do not know the names of their employees and add little or nothing to the workplace experience.

3.      Know-nothing Leaders...Leaders who managed to get into a job leading something they have little or no knowledge of and often have no intention of learning. They try to inspire through some sort of personal style but their lack of knowledge of the department they control is evident to all. They are usually not aware that nobody is really following them.

4.      Do-nothing Leaders...Leaders who might actually know a lot about their department but choose to avoid getting involved with their employees or the work they do. They often delegate everything to lower-level line managers or supervisors because they think good delegation skills mean they don’t have to do anything. They are busy doing a lot of nothing.

5.      Suck-up Leaders...These ones are so insecure and afraid of their employees that they always appear to be begging their teams to do their jobs. Often they are simply too nice for their own good. They are usually ineffective but if they are fortunate enough to have some sympathetic employees they might actually get a few things done.

6.      Blind Leaders...These folks can see what is going on but are either too dense or too afraid to realize that it might be time for them to act like a leader. They allow bad behavior, poor performance, favouritism and employee conflicts to go on unabated. They often have high turnover rates and cannot understand why nobody wants to work for them.

7.      Insincere Leaders...In order to get ahead, these leaders will say anything to anyone, at anytime, believing that the end justifies the means. They will make promises they cannot keep nor have any intention of keeping, and they will make false compliments to avoid conflict. They delude themselves of their own self-importance but nobody believes anything they say.

8.      Gossiping Leaders...These folks gossip about their organization, their superiors, their employees, their customers, their suppliers and just about anything else that creates good, juicy water cooler talk. They do not understand confidentiality and they pit employee against employee and manager against manager, while avoiding their own responsibilities. Employees don’t trust them and nobody wants to tell them anything because they know it will be repeated.

9.      Defensive Leaders...Leaders who never take responsibility for anything. These people always blame someone else when things go wrong and take all of the glory for themselves when things go right. They are the antithesis of leadership but they think that by deflecting blame, and hoarding success, they are fooling everyone...but nobody is being fooled.

10.  Uncommunicative Leaders...These leaders refuse to tell anyone, anything. They do not feel that employees have the right to know what is going on beyond their specific work-stations or that they have any business knowing about the relative success or failure of their organization. They withhold financial information and refuse to speak to subordinates about the lofty management plans they have or the organizational decisions they might make. Every new thing that happens in the organization comes as a surprise, and usually on short-notice to the workers. Employee dissatisfaction and poor morale reign in their empires.

Everyone on earth who has ever had a job has known a leader with some of the traits indicated here. If you do not want to be a bad leader, the key is to recognize the mistakes you might be making and strive to eliminate and avoid repeating them. If, on the other hand, you are okay with being a bad leader then try out all of the ideas presented here to see which ones create the worst results.

All the Best!

Wayne Kehl

Ten Ways To Make Your Employees Adore You

Please do not confuse adoration with lovability or even likeability. Effective leaders have a mystique about them that sets them apart from other mortals. They have an ability to garner respect, admiration, reverence, and generally high regard wherever they go. Those are the elements of adoration that we will be dealing with in this article.

No two leaders are the same. They all have their own distinct style. Some exude kindness and warmth while others reek of authority and influence. Some lead by example while others lead through delegation.  Some do things on impulse and immediate action while others are methodical and unhurried. These are products of individual personalities and no one style is better than another. They can all create success when fused with the essential elements of leadership.

No matter what style you might have, you can earn the adoration of your employees.

HERE ARE THE TEN ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS OF LEADERSHIP ADORATION:

1. In order to be adored as a leader you must listen to the people who work with you. Listening is an indication of respect. It shows that you are interested in them and that what they have to say matters. Most importantly, it shows that they have so much value that you will give up your most precious leadership commodity for them...your time.
2. If you want adoration, talk to your people. Tell them what you are thinking. Tell them about yourself. Let them know that you are human and that you have the same fears, feelings, problems and concerns that they do. If you make yourself human to them they will be compelled to support and protect you when the need arises.
3. You must control your emotions if you expect true adoration from your followers. Angry, depressed, impatient, sad, giddy, or moody people cannot gain respect and will not be taken seriously by anyone.  A calm, even demeanour with moments of obvious excitement (at appropriate times) will show followers that you are in control of yourself and therefore more likely to be someone of good character and a strong mind.
4. Adorable people have a sense of humour. A dour, humourless demeanour might seem appropriate in some situations, but a regular diet of it in a leadership position is a morale killer. When people say things to you that they think are funny...laugh! It is not a hard thing to do. Only laugh at appropriate things and when offering your own humour, make sure you do not cross the line of inappropriateness. Work should not be punishment and it follows that a joyful workplace is a productive workplace. If you are not exhibiting humour from time to time, you have not realized your full leadership potential.
5. Make yourself available and adoration will follow. If you are truly leading, you are visible, available and transparent. Stop making excuses for not spending time with your followers. Get up from your desk and talk to them. When they want to speak with you in private, stop what you are doing (if possible) and talk to them. When they have a problem, listen to them with an open mind and do everything in your power to help them through it. Be their omnipresent symbol of strength.
6. Trust your employees and they will adore you.  The greatest display of respect you can show an employee is to trust him or her to do the job properly, on time and on budget. Once the training phase is over and you know they are competent, leave them alone and do not meddle. Ask for progress reports and occasional performance evaluations but during the course of the workday, leave them alone and only attempt to help when they ask.  The only interference you should present is a pat on the back for a job well done or a celebration for a special success.  Your trust in them will be returned with respect and admiration for you.
7. Communicate with your people and they will adore you. One of the most common complaints from employees is that they have little or no communication with management. What they want is more than idle chat. They want to know what is going on, what the vision of the company is, what your personal vision is, the financial strength and growth of the company, and where the company is going. They want to be an integral part of the organization and the more you tell them about where the company is taking them, the more they will admire you.
8. To be adored you must always be cognizant of how you present yourself. Unlike some other human beings, leaders must always dress appropriately, clean and groom themselves appropriately, speak clearly and concisely and act in a politically correct fashion. Sloppy, slovenly, smelly people seldom make good leaders.  People who mumble, speak too softly, tell dirty jokes or use a lot of foul language have difficulty gaining respect from followers or superiors. If you are having trouble finding adoration at work, give yourself an honest personal evaluation and make the necessary changes.
9. If you fight for your employees you can become the most adored leader of all. Followers want their leaders to be bold, courageous, loyal warriors who will support them, protect them and speak highly of them at all times.  Leaders who put their own success and safety second to that of their employees will be held in high regard. Leaders who get involved when employees get into conflicts or bravely put themselves into the middle of customer confrontations are the most revered of all. If you make it clear to your people that you will be the last person into the life raft if the ship starts to go down you will be adored beyond your wildest imagination.
10. Honesty is an adorable trait. Dishonesty is not!  Big lies, small lies, promises not kept, and promises conveniently forgotten are all reasons for leadership catastrophe. No one wants to be lied to. If you always do unto others as you would have them do unto you and never tell an untruth you are on the path to adoration and leadership success.

Leadership is not easy, but by practising these few simple tenets you can enhance your leadership style and move to a higher level of success.

All the Best

Wayne Kehl

Getting Along With People Is EASY!

Have a look at this video about Getting Along With People Is EASY! and then order the book...

 

Have you ever had trouble getting along with someone? Don’t Despair...Everyone has!

Getting along with people is easy is the book you have been waiting for.  In it, you will find the reasons that people have trouble getting along with each other and great ways to avoid bad relationships.

As a bonus, you will find ways to fix almost every relationship issue you might ever encounter.

Learn how to get along with rude people, sarcastic people, moody people, conceited people, prejudiced people, husbands, wives, co-workers and even, bosses.

On these pages you will find wit, wisdom and common sense for everyone who associates with other human beings.

Allow every person you meet to become a positive force in your life and you will find that getting along with people is easy.

This book is a great read. Learn how to get along with people and have fun doing it.

Order Getting Along with people is easy directly from me at www.dlionline.ca, or from www.amazon.com,  www.barnesandnoble.com, and most other online book sellers.

I am Wayne Kehl

Thank You!

It Takes A Hurricane

While watching the drama of Hurricane Irene unfold as she made her way up the east coast of North America, I was impressed by the good humour, co-operation, camaraderie, and overall humanity of the folks who reside in the path of the storm front. The media did a great job of televising scenes of people working together, boarding up buildings and doing whatever they could to make certain that everyone in their respective communities was safe.

Tragedy and impending danger tend to bring people together in a universal environment of compassion, charity and civility that is often absent when things are good.

When widespread, collective problems or fears abate, most of us return to our usual human pattern of competition, aggression, avoidance, and intolerance of others.During a hurricane, a war, a flood or an earthquake the love of mankind and our need to aid and nurture each and every person threatened by a common disaster becomes a singular, communal driving force.

Why can people not consistently maintain and exhibit the natural tribal loyalty and altruism that is innate in all of us?

Human beings are essentially pack animals, which helps to explain why we live in cities and work in huge buildings together. Pack animals know that survival depends on the power that is created when of a number of members of the species live, hunt, share and work together in harmony. Of course our pack-communities are what we know as countries, cities, neighbourhoods and companies, but they represent essentially the same patterns and hierarchies that we can observe in nature.

The wolf-pack is perhaps the most popular non-human example of an effective tribal cooperative.

In the wolf community a leader is selected when he shows superiority over any weaker males who dare to take him on in an all-out fight. In the human community we occasionally have dog-fights to select our leaders, but most often we have a democratic election process where a superior leader is chosen from a slate of qualified candidates.

Whether wolf-pack or human-pack, the hierarchical process is the same: The leader makes decisions for the pack and the followers carry out the work required to maintain the security and integrity of the commune. In both cases, leaders who under-perform can be removed and replaced at almost any time. In case of wolves and humans, replacing a leader usually requires another fight for superiority.

The major difference between wolves and humans is that wolves have almost complete respect and admiration for their leaders while humans often disregard them or resent them to the core.

Getting back to Hurricane Irene; it seems that human beings quite naturally and unavoidably fall back on their primordial instincts when danger threatens the pack. At that point, gone is ego and selfishness; gone is arrogance and superiority; gone is competition and intolerance. In the face of peril, the negative elements of human interaction are quickly replaced by the positive elements of the pack-animal system. Cooperation, collaboration, nurturing and protective instincts flood the minds of the victims, leading them to unusual and amazing acts of courage and kindness.When danger threatens, people become almost universally good again. They become akin to the wolves that will fight to the death as a group to protect all members of the pack.

When people work together during an impending or actual disaster to protect, save, nurture, and help one another it is a truly wonderful thing to see.

When human beings are not threatened and the usual human vices of egotism, greed, guile, selfishness and rudeness return to the fore, our species takes on an unpleasant air that most of the members of our pack find intolerable. We often hate what we see in the human race, but as the Bible says in John 8:7, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”

Ask yourself if you have been guilty of being human lately.

If you answer, “NO”, I think you might need to take stock of the human vices that we have all learned to recognize and acknowledge as unacceptable behaviour in the new millennium.

Most of us make excuses for our vices and sins. We are constantly casting stones at others because they did something to us first.

We believe that a first strike at our integrity, dignity or ego is a perfect reason for us to retaliate in kind, or with even greater force.

All over the world today, fingers are being raised to errant motorists and foul language is being used to upset timid sales clerks. Husbands are yelling at wives and wives are hollering at daughters and sons. Every day, neighbours silently hate neighbours and employees and bosses hate each other collectively. Conversely, in the wolf-packs of the world, there might be a fight for superiority going on somewhere but more often than not if you find a pack of wolves you will find them living, hunting and sharing together in harmony. They know instinctively that they must work together to assure the survival of their community.

Why can’t people be more like wolves?

Let’s not wait for the next disaster before we begin caring for the other human beings on earth again. Let’s start now!

All the Best!
Wayne Kehl

How To Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking

Everyone on earth, except perhaps those who have completely taken leave of their senses, has fears of one kind or another. Fear is as much a part of the human emotional system as joy, anger and love. Many times, our fears add value to our lives because they prevent us from doing dangerous things but on other occasions our fears detract from our lives because they prevent us from doing the things we truly want to do.

Everyone has different fears.

Various studies tell us that one of the greatest fears known to mankind is the fear of public speaking. In my case, that is not true at all. I do a lot of public speaking and not only am I not frightened by the prospect of it, but I enjoy it to the point that I look forward to it. I did however, have a profound fear of public speaking in my youth. Until now, I had not considered how I overcame my greatest fear because it happened over a period of years and after a number of fumbles and bad starts. It was an evolutionary change brought on by the necessities of my career. The more I did, the more my confidence rose and the less fearful I became.

Usually, the fear itself is not as great a challenge as the ability to overcome it. Facing the idea of battling a fear head-on is much more daunting than actually living quietly with it.

In order to reduce or eliminate a fear, we must understand what is causing it. Fears are warnings of things that have not happened yet. When you are fearful, your mind is setting up a series of mental alarms and emotional defence mechanisms designed to prevent you from doing something. The emotion of fear and the accompanying emotions of anxiety, trepidation, depression or anger are all put into play when the assemblage of your experience, knowledge, memories, nightmares and advice of others come together to focus on the event, thing, person or situation before you. Even though nothing bad has happened yet, the combined body of intelligence that is your psyche’ begins to tell you to avoid a situation that could, conceivably put you in harm’s way. If you allow fear to control you, it will never cease to torment you.

When fear takes hold, it causes us to become weak and helpless.

If the fear is imminent and potentially harmful enough, it might cause us to react with a physical action of some sort. This is commonly known as the fight or flight response. When our brain tells us that fight or flight is necessary, our reactions can vary from a full-on attack on the person or thing that we fear, or a simple turn-and-run-away response. In both cases, our intention is to save ourselves from potential harm. If we attack, we might destroy the object of our fears or drive it off...thereby neutralizing it. If we run away we will leave it behind...at least temporarily.

Living with fear or living a life of fight or flight is not an acceptable way to get through our short time on earth and accordingly, it is best to move beyond our fears. However, we cannot push past a fear until we understand what causes it. In the case of the fear of public speaking, I learned over time, that the basis for my early fear was that I had a desperate need to avoid failure. I had an unspoken belief that if what I had to say was inadequate for the audience, or if I stammered, stuttered or forgot my lines, I would be made to look foolish in front of my peers and superiors. In the worst case scenario I might be jeered, insulted and chased off the stage.  I was afraid not only of the actual speaking, but of the ridicule, embarrassment, dishonour and distress it might cause me.

The next time you are faced with a fear, ask yourself these questions:

·         What am I afraid of?

·         Why are other people I know not afraid of this?

·         What is the worst thing that could happen?

·         Will challenging this fear end my life?

·         Will this situation cause me any physical harm?

·         What precautions can I take to avoid failure?

·         Will the embarrassment, dishonour or distress of failing damage my career or my relationships with those most important to me?

·         Will others forgive me if I fail?

·         Can I forgive myself if I fail?

·         Is it worth the effort to overcome this fear?

Most fears cannot be overcome immediately.

Because real fears are lodged firmly in the instinctive part of your brain, the Amygdala, your fight or flight response will continue until the cognitive part of your brain, the Neo-cortex rationalizes the fact that there is no imminent harm presented by the object of your fears. With strong desire and real effort, you can convince your brain, in time to accept the negative potential events you fear and eliminate its effects on you.

If you never give up trying to overcome your fear and face it often you will eventually succeed. Practice speaking in front of a mirror, in front of friends, and in front of small groups. When you see the smiles on the faces of your friendly audience your confidence will soar. When your listeners nod knowingly and applaud when you are done, you will be a public speaker and you will no longer have to live with fear.

Five steps to public speaking success:

·         The only way to overcome fear is to put your toe in the water and test the temperature often. Speak every chance you get.

·         Have friends or loved ones come with you for emotional support while you try it out.

·         While you are trying it out, convince yourself that failure is an option and that once you have gotten all of the missteps and fumbles out of the way, you will improve.

·         Always maintain a belief that you can succeed.

·         Practice, practice, practice!

Most people can be much better speakers than they actually think they can. Push your fear out the door and give yourself a chance to be great!

All the Best

Wayne Kehl