Understanding DISC #3, Blending the DISC Styles

In the last 2 issues of “Understanding DISC” we described the basic elements of DISC: Dominance, Influencing, Steadiness, and Compliance. If you do not have that article available you can find it on our website on this link: https://www.dlionline.ca/news.php?id=28

Now that we understand the basic personality styles, it is time to learn how they blend within each and every personality.

Firstly, we must reiterate that every person’s personality has all four of the behavioural elements within it to one degree or another. Each element of the personality will play off another depending on its intensity and the specific situation at hand.

In many cases, we find that behaviour is controlled by one major element.

That is why we often find DISC users using terminology such as “High D, High I, High S, or High C.” Although one of those elements is often dominant, it is seldom allowed to act on its own. For example, if a person has a “High D” style he or she might also have a “Low I” style at the same time which will make his or her behaviour significantly different than someone who is a “High D” and “High I.”

In the example given above, both individuals will be driven to incisive, potentially argumentative, direct and aggressive behaviour. However, a “High D” individual whose personality is tempered by a “Low I”, will tend to be pessimistic, untrusting and independent, while the person with the “High D” and “High I” will tend to be trusting, optimistic, and seek to resolve problems with the help of other people. The “Lower I” person will act with little or no sense of humour while the “Higher I” person will use humour to assist in solving the problem. The “Lower I” person will tend to try to force his or her agenda through while the “Higher I” person will attempt to persuade others to his or her agenda.

As you can see, although the individuals mentioned in the example are both “High D’s” their reaction to situations and their resulting behaviour will be quite different.

Now let’s look at the example of a “High I” whose behaviour is tempered by a “Low S” versus a “High I” person whose behaviour is influenced by a “High S.” In this case, both individuals will be friendly, sociable, and good at mixing with other people. However, the “Lower S” person whose pace is much faster will actively seek out new relationships and communication with others while the “Higher S” person will be slower to meet new people and will be open and amiable primarily with established friends and family members.

When the “S style” becomes a factor, either as a primary or secondary style influencer, individuals will approach situations at a different pace. Because of that subtle difference, casual observers might notice that one “High I” person is much more friendly and gregarious than another. The “Higher S” tends to reduce the naturally vivacious enthusiasm of the “High I” while the “Lower S” actually intensifies it.

Although “High I’s” tend to be outgoing and amiable, the other elements of their personalities will determine how it manifests itself.

Now let’s compare a “High S” person whose style is tempered by a “Low C” to a “High S” whose style is influence by a “High C”. It is important to note that at a “High S” tends to slow down the pace of an individual causing them to be very methodical, patient and often stubborn. In both cases the individual will tend to be persistent and persevering in the accomplishment of goals.

The person whose “High S” is tempered by a “Low C” will tend to display some independence, while the person who is influenced by the “Higher C” will show greater regard for the expectations of others. The person with the “Lower C” will persistently hang on to unpopular views and be resistant to change in approach to problems or people, while the person with the “Higher C” will be determined to remain “on course” but not at the expense of quality or at the risk of disappointing others.

Even though “High S” people are generally methodical and thoughtful, they will display a variety of reactions to situations depending on the intensity of an influencing “C” factor.

Now, let’s look at a how a “High C” can be influenced by a “Higher D” and a “Lower D”. Both will tend to be adaptable, dependable and soft spoken. The High “C” is naturally a stickler for rules and likes to put things into a “box”. They are critical thinkers and normally well disciplined.

In the case of the “High C” that is influenced by a “Lower D”, they will use humour to avoid confrontation, while the “High C” that is tempered by a “Higher D” will tend to become confrontational when pushed.

The “High C” that is influenced by the “Lower D” will behave according to established, respected procedures and systems while the “High C” that is tempered by the “Higher D” will tend to push quite hard to find correct, acceptable answers even if it means changing or creating procedures or systems.

Even though  “High C's” are generally cautious and exacting, they will react differently to challenges depending on the intensity of a high or low, “D” factor.

There are a myriad of possible combinations of the Dominance, Influencing, Steadiness, and Compliance styles of DISC. In fact there are far too many to outline here. However, we hope that these few examples provide enough information to show the complexity and value of the tool.

In future issues of “UNDERSTANDING DISC” we will discuss how the DISC styles work in human relationships and how to best communicate with the various styles.

This article is based on the work of Dr. William Moulton Marston, creator of the DISC model.

All the Best

Wayne Kehl

What Makes A Great Sales Organization?

During the course of my life, I have been a student, an observer and a practitioner of the fine art of making sales.

I have been successful, unsuccessful, frustrated and elated while attempting to create fabulous sales numbers for my companies. Although I do not have all of the answers to sales success, I have learned a few lessons along the way which I will share with you now.

The last company I worked for before starting my current consulting business was an international insurance firm with a large number of offices all over North America. I was the Vice President of Operations in my region and I was partnered with a Vice President of sales. We were responsible for approximately 160 employees in a dozen offices. We worked very well together because we accepted that both of us carried ominous responsibility for the success of our region and that if we did not work as team, we would surely fail.

Lesson number one: Accountability

The first thing we learned was that success requires hard work from everyone involved.

Whenever we lost focus and let up or reduced our drive for more sales our numbers would start to slide and our profitability would begin to wane. It was up to us as leaders to drive the bus and when we lost energy, the entire vehicle lost momentum.

We also learned that our sales-people responded best when we showed a great deal of interest in them, reminding them regularly that it was their responsibility to make a budgeted number of sales. We had to make it clear that just as we were accountable to our executive and shareholders, they were responsible to us and their co-workers to drive the company forward.

When we asked them for buy-in and helped them along the way they bought in but when we focussed on something other than sales effort, they took our lack of acknowledgement as a sign that the pressure was off and not surprisingly, sales dropped off. Holding sales people personally responsible for their sales effort is one of the most important elements of a successful sales organization.

Lesson number two: Support

One of the single most common reasons why people struggle to make sales budgets is a lack of personalized support.

In order to make sales, we learned that we had to accept that everyone needed a different technique when contacting and dealing with clients and that there is no single–best way to make a sale happen. We understood that each sales person naturally behaved differently than the others and that each was driven by different motivations.

We utilized specific assessment tools to understand how each of our sales people thought and we encouraged them to utilize their natural skills and talents to create their own brand of success.

We also learned to accept that everyone is not, and cannot be a superstar. We learned that as much as we had to set minimum goals that must be attained, we could not expect everyone to perform at the same level. Despite varying levels of skill and success everyone mattered. Most importantly, when one of our people was struggling, rather than finding fault or giving up on them, we offered coaching, encouragement and support to rejuvenate their enthusiasm and recharge their passion.

Lesson number three: Teamwork

Any group of people that is assembled for any purpose can only be successful if they operate as a team.

Just as this is true in athletics, it is true in the sales arena. Teams require leaders and leaders require loyal, devoted followers. A team must have a common vision that each member is able to buy into and each player must know his or her position.

We learned that as leaders, we had to reinforce the value of each member of the team from the reception people, to the accounting staff, to the administration department...because without them, the sales people would not survive. We reinforced the fact that without each member of the team paddling as fast as they could, the sales boat would not move forward. We asked them to treat each member of the team with respect all-the-while holding each other accountable for the team’s performance.

We taught them how harmful bad words and bad thoughts amongst team members could be and that intolerance would not be accepted. We let them know that every success was a team success to be shared by all members equally. We asked all team members to carry their weight as best they could and to help other team members when they stumbled. In short we helped them to understand that success was a team endeavour that required the unrelenting effort of each player.

Lesson number four: Lead by example

Leaders in great sales organizations work harder than every person on their team in order to maintain success.

There can be no room on any team for lazy, lacklustre, disengaged sales leaders or managers.Those who set the goals and enforce the activities that create the results must be fully involved and highly motivated. Their dedication to the process must be palpable and measurable. The time they put in to assist their sales force must be as great as, or preferably greater than the time each sales person and support-staff member puts in to make sales happen.

Great leaders work tirelessly and selflessly for the greater good of the team. Great leaders acknowledge that they are under the microscope and that everyone on their team is waiting for them to stumble. The best of them will be helped up by their team members when they fall...the worst will be left behind or kicked to the curb in disgust. They say that it is lonely at the top. As much as there is a smattering of truth to that statement, it can also be very rewarding and highly energizing up there. When you forget your own personal needs and wants, pushing those of your team members to the top, you will soon come to find that you have a second family that will support you and carry you on their shoulders to success.

The bottom line for leaders is that they must never give up, must always stay the course and must always work like their professional life depends on it...Because it does!

Lesson number five: Build your culture

Sales success can be sustainable or fleeting...it is your choice.

Success that is short-lived or sporadic is symptomatic of a weak sales-culture. If you have products or services to sell, you must always put sales activity at the top of your priority list. Let’s face it; you won’t need a receptionist, an accountant, or a human-resources professional if your products or services are not getting into the hands of buyers.

If you are unhappy with your current rate of sales stop what you are doing and regroup. Many leaders believe that if they just do more of what they are currently doing, great things will happen. That may or may not be true depending on the situation. However, if your sales machine is not printing money, there is a good chance it is broken or at the very least is need of a tune up.

The best way to find out why you are not as successful as you would like to be is to do an evaluation of your corporate culture to find out how your employees and your customers feel about it. Once you have communicated with a good sampling of them to find out where the weaknesses are, start building your culture from the ground up all over again.

During the rebuilding process, be honest with yourself and be willing to admit your failings. You must be willing to accept major changes if you want to succeed. Let everyone know that you want to build a powerful, sustainable culture where all of the stakeholders will share in the spoils and where everyone’s participation will be valued and acknowledged. Once the foundation is built, start bricking up the walls with solid, established business practices and employee engagement techniques. If you are not up to date on the practices of highly successful companies or simply do not know where to start, get help from outside professionals to guide you to a better path. Finally, you must be patient. Building a great corporate structure with fabulous sales results takes a lot of perseverance and a good deal of time.

Build your culture one brick at a time and watch your success grow right along with it.

All the Best!

Wayne Kehl

UNDERSTANDING DISC #2, Emotions of DISC

In the last issue of “Understanding DISC” we described the basic elements of DISC: Dominance, Influencing, Steadiness, and Compliance. If you do not have that article available you can find it on our website on this link: https://www.dlionline.ca/news.php?id=28.

In this issue, we want to delve further into the attributes of the various elements of DISC.

It is important to understand the basic emotions that are prominent to each element of the DISC.

· The primary emotion of a “High Dominant” is ANGER

· The primary emotion of a “High Influencer” is OPTIMISM/TRUST

· The primary emotion of a “High Steady” is NON-EMOTIONAL (emotions are hidden)

· The primary emotion of a “High Compliant” is FEAR

Note that when the scoring falls to the lower side of the scale in each of the examples given above, the emotions will be essentially the opposite of that shown. Hence, a “Lower D” will dictate patience and slowness to anger; a “Lower I” will tend to be pessimistic and lacking in trust; a “Lower S” will display more emotion; and the “Lower C” person will show little fear and take more risks.

Those basic emotions are only part of the story, however. Let’s look more closely at how the emotions of each element of DISC might manifest themselves in real life.

The High Dominant: You will generally find this person to be a director of action, a driver of activity and a courageous defender of their position. They never shirk from controversy and they are quick to take on any argument or fight that might come their way. They are quick to anger and will usually be the ones you find ranting and raving in a loud voice in any group of people. When they have a cause to promote, they will take on anyone and climb any mountain to make it happen. They are laser-focused on results and overwhelmed by a desire to be successful. High “D’s” often make good sales people, managers, athletes and captains of industry because they are competitive to a fault and never give up.

The High Influencer: High “I’s often smile a lot and talk too much. They are expressive, enthusiastic, fun, trusting, optimistic, charming, confident and usually popular. They love to be the centre of attention and they are constantly selling themselves to everyone they meet. They are fast talkers and whenever they hear silence they fill it with charming conversation. High “I’s” need to be loved and they spend a great deal of time chatting with everyone around them in order to earn the pats on the back that they crave. They are not keen on detailed work and will often use their charm to convince others to do a lot of their support work for them. They are the funny ones you will find in any crowd...quick to tell a joke and to make a joke out of a serious subject. Occasionally they misjudge their audience and provide humour at inappropriate times. High “I’s” often make good politicians, actors, comedians and salesmen because of their love of their own voices and their need to associate with other people.

The High Steady: These folks generally relate well to others and are amiable and friendly to all they meet. They are laid back, patient, sincere and appear to be stress-free. They are loyal to those they trust and they never quit a job until it is finished. They are aware of other people’s needs and they love to help and support their team. They tend to work slower than some others, but the work they do is unquestionably of the highest quality they are capable of producing. They don’t like to act on anything until they have the approval of people they trust and they do a lot of research to make sure they are on the right path. Because of their calm demeanour and selflessness, they make great support players for superstar High Dominants and High Influencers whose focus is mainly on themselves. They are often considered the “glue” that holds the team together. High Steady people make good assistant managers, athletes in defensive positions, nurses and teachers.

The High Compliant: The High “C” is analytical, methodical, restrained, diplomatic, accurate and precise. They like to put things into rows, columns and boxes. They thrive on planning and organization and they love rules and regulations for everything. The never fret over a mountain of minutia and they love to dot every I and cross every T. They will not make a decision without facts, figures and details. They want information in a format they can see so that they can analyse and verify it before acting on it. They have high standards and they turn in work that is as perfect as they can make it. The more complex the task, the more satisfaction they get out of doing it. Sometimes, they will slow a process down because they are not happy with the details or the amount of data they have on hand. Due mainly to their love of complexity and precision High “C’s” make good accountants, engineers, scientists and airplane pilots.

Note: When any of the DISC scores is on the lower end of the scale, you can expect behaviour opposite to that described above.

Adaptations: As much as these DISC elements can be very telling as to the behaviour you might expect from each person who possesses them, there are times when those people must “adapt” their behaviour in order to be successful and do a better job of fitting into general society. Here are some examples.

· When a High “D”, a High “I”, a Low “S” or a Low “C” goes to church, the environment will call for each of them to adapt their behaviour to the opposite of their natural style. If they are going to fit the church environment, they will have to adapt to become Lower “D”, Lower “I”, Higher “S” and Higher “C”.

· When a Low “C” is working on tax returns, he or she must adapt to higher “C”.

· A high “I” salesman must adapt his style to a lower “I” in order to get through the complex sales reporting systems that they must deal with.

· When training new employees, a High “D” might have to lower his or her natural dominance considerably in order to avoid intimidating them.

· When faced with deadlines and urgent situations, a High “S” might have to lower their steady style and speed up in order to finish on time.

Note that anyone can adapt their behaviour for short periods of time, but if they are forced to adapt to extreme levels for an extended period of time, they will ultimately become distressed, disengaged and in worst-case-scenarios might suffer from burnout. That is why it is important to match people to work that they are behaviourally suited to and put the right people into the right jobs!

In the next issue of “UNDERSTANDING DISC” we will explore how the elements of DISC blend with each other in each person.

UNDERSTANDING DISC

This is the first in a series of newsletters in which we will explain the most common personality assessment on the market today. DISC is the foundation of understanding for virtually every human personality type.  The science of DISC is proven and trusted all over the world as the benchmark for all employee behavioural testing.

 D.I.S.C. stands for:

·         DOMINANCE

·         INFLUENCE

·         STEADINESS

·         COMPLIANCE *

(*note that some suppliers use the term CONSCIENTIOUSNESS in place of COMPLIANCE)

The elements of DISC are represented by a plethora of suppliers under a variety of aliases, including but not limited to colours, temperatures, seasons, bunnies and tigers and a variety of other pseudonyms. No matter what they are called, the elements of DISC are common to all personality types and vary in intensity from one person to another.

Here is a breakdown of what DOMINANCE, INFLUENCE, STEADINESS and COMPLIANCE mean in these surveys.

DOMINANCE: This is the element of an individual’s personality that indicates competitiveness, drive and a desire to win. Highly dominant people tend become angry more often than lower dominant types. Dominance is a task oriented trait so once a highly dominant person takes on a task, they become determined to see it through to the end. These people often appear to be stern and severe. Once they have had an angry outburst, they forget the source of their anger quickly and move on to other things. Highly dominant people will often be seen as intimidating by others.

INFLUENCE: This is the element of an individual’s personality that indicates optimism, trust, and a sense of humour. Highly influencing people tend to joke around a lot, talk a lot, and use other people to get what they want out of life. Almost completely people-oriented, they need to be in the company of other human beings as often as possible. Highly influencing people like flashy, expensive cars, clothing, houses and virtually anything else they can show off. They are optimistic to a fault and trust almost everyone a little too much.  Highly influencing people will often be seen as the life of the party by others.

STEADINESS: This is the element of an individual’s personality that regulates the pace at which they do things. Highly steady people tend to hold off on decision making until they believe the decision is the right one. They like to do research and get the approval of others before they do almost anything. They are people-oriented and will usually be very sociable with everyone they meet. Highly steady people will take longer to do their work, but because they are very thorough, the work they do is generally of very high quality. Others will often see them as logical, thoughtful members of the team.

COMPLIANCE: This is the element of an individual’s personality that creates a need for rules and regulations in their lives. Highly compliant people tend to approach every challenge or project with caution and concern. Because they are task oriented, they tend not to fall for a sales pitch that is not accompanied by facts and figures. They can be fearful of not following rules to the point that if no rules exist, some will make up their own rules and insist that others follow them. They are sometimes seen by others as careful, unbending, conscientious and occasionally resistant to “outside the box” thinking. They often gravitate toward jobs that include a lot of detail work.

BLENDING:

It is important to understand that every personality has all of these elements in it to varying degrees. As an example, someone might be highly dominant and low compliant, with a very low steady style and a moderate influencing style. Someone else might have a completely opposite blend of styles. It is rare to find any two DISC graphs that are exactly the same.

Understanding how the various elements of the DISC blend with each other is extremely important.  Hence, you should avoid referring to someone as HIGH DOMINANT or LOW COMPLIANT since all of the 4 elements will come into play in a variety of situations.

In future issues we will discuss DISC blending and the effects of intensity on overall behaviour.

This article is based on the work of William Moulton Marston. Find out more in my book, “Getting Along With People Is Easy!” available at Amazon.com or from the Dynamic Leadership website:


https://www.dlionline.ca/courses.php?category=Books

If you are interested in taking a survey or ordering one for someone else, please click on this link to order   https://www.dlionline.ca/courses.php

If you are interested in having a detailed formal seminar for your group, let us know. We offer 3 hour and 6 hour seminars, along with 2 and 3 day boot camps on a variety of leadership and management topics. Get in touch with us at www.dlionline.ca .

Do Not Allow Anger To Rule Your Life

Do you ever find yourself justifying your anger or actually believing that angry outbursts serve a useful purpose? Do you ever believe that anger is what makes you special? If you have ever thought that being angry is good thing...think again!

Anger should not be allowed to lead you through life.

Once while conducting a performance review, I had the opportunity to have a discussion with an employee about the attitude she displayed with other employee in her workplace. The general observations from others about this person were that she was miserable, unpleasant and downright mean. She was quite aware of her reputation and was completely unrepentant about it.  She actually seemed to take comfort in the fact that she was able to make her mark in life by repelling other people.

Just as some people take comfort in their own despair, some wallow in their own repugnance to others.

This lady did not smile, did not frown, did not laugh; did not cry...she seemed in fact to be completely devoid of any and all emotion. Most of her responses to my questions were comprised of one-word answers, shoulder shrugs and grunts. The more I spoke to her, the more unresponsive she became. Finally, I felt compelled to tell her that I was concerned about her attitude toward me. At that point, she bragged that most people don’t like her attitude and that she had recently enrolled in an anger-management course because of “other issues”.

I asked if anger was a big part of her life and she responded in the affirmative.

At that point I noticed, for the first time, a small curl of a smile at the corners of her lips. That prompted me to ask her if she enjoyed being angry. She quickly responded, with a full-toothed smile, “Yup, I sure do!”

Through further discussion, I learned that this person had lived a very difficult life which included abusive parents, a history of drug and alcohol abuse, and a nasty divorce. It became clear to me that the events of her childhood had left her with a very negative view of the world and a need to escape it through potentially harmful behaviour. Her past also led her to uncontrollable bouts of rage and anti-social behaviour.  Because she was unable to overcome her personal issues, her life was a mess and her future was extremely bleak. Despite the fact that she was clearly spiralling into oblivion, she refused to accept that she needed to change. I have lost touch with her over the years, but I fear the worst.

This lady’s story is much more extreme than most, but many people suffer from the inability to control their emotions.

 Some of those people carry around a well concealed hand grenade filled with explosive rage. For much of the time the grenade is hidden, but often it is just waiting for the pin to be pulled so that it can explode and splatter hot, angry, emotional shrapnel all over anyone unfortunate enough to be in its path of destruction.

Anger is not only wasted energy...it is a powerful, harmful force that has the capacity to destroy lives and end careers.

Psychological science has identified a condition known as “Borderline Personality Disorder” which is known to bring on the symptoms of uncontrollable rage that I have describe here. Theorists and psychologists agree that this disorder is often a result of disturbing traumatic events from an individual’s childhood. Sometimes the person is not even aware of, or cannot remember the event or events that may be causing their distress. Instead, they will often inflict their rage on others, all-the-while justifying it as something positive and a personality trait that other people should simply accept or become accustomed to. What they seem not to understand is that their behaviour is unacceptable in a civilized society and that they are systematically driving people away.

Even people who are not the direct object of their rage will avoid any sort of meaningful relationship with them out of fear and revulsion.

I have known a few angry bosses over the years, but until recently I simply chalked it up to an old-fashioned command and control style of leadership. I now believe that some of the rage I witnessed in those leaders was a result of an undiagnosed psychological or emotional condition. Those leaders were able to hide their conditions behind their positions because unpleasant, angry bosses like Ebenezer Scrooge and Lou Grant were the stuff of popular culture and entertainment. During that era, we all knew that to be a leader, you had to be tough; and to be tough, you had to express anger.

Modern society now agrees that anger toward others is neither normal nor acceptable regardless of one’s position in life.

Psychologists have found that professional “talk-therapy” or coaching can provide extremely good results and a lessening, or complete elimination of inexplicable, long-term, rage events. Of course, that will only work if the individual inflicted with the problem is able to admit to himself or herself that his or her behaviour is unacceptable. They must also be willing to look in the mirror and tell the person looking back that a change is absolutely essential. Acknowledgement of the problem is often much more difficult to endure than the eventual therapy.

If you have feelings of anger that cause fear or discomfort in others, do something about it. Admit that you have a problem and take steps to deal with it. You owe it to yourself to allow tranquility and contentment to overrule the exasperation, rage and despair in your life.

All the Best

Wayne Kehl

Valentine's Day Is For Lovers...Or Is It?

Saint Valentine's Day, commonly known as Valentine's Day, is an annual celebration held on February 14, celebrating love and affection between cherished lovers. The day is named after an early Christian leader and martyr named Saint Valentine, and was established by Pope Galasius I in 496 AD. Now, it is traditionally a day on which devoted partners express their love for each other. However, in stark contrast, the original St. Valentine is remembered for having been executed for his Christian beliefs and his refusal to convert to Roman Paganism.

Valentine’s Day first became associated with romance during the days of the great poet, Geoffrey Chaucer in the late 1300’s. In 1382, Chaucer wrote in his poem Parlement of Foules or Parliament of Birds, "For this was Saint Valentine's Day, when every bird cometh there to choose his mate.” That poem actually had more to do with Mother Nature and the mating habits of birds than with human love. Despite that, it managed to find its way into western culture and to this day it provides an opportunity for women and men to express profound love for their mates.

Many human beings in this century need a special day to declare their love for each other.

Valentine’s Day functions as a reminder to everyone that explicit expressions of romantic love are important for the maintenance of healthy relationships. It doesn’t stop at pure, innocent love though. Candy stores, jewellery merchants, flower shops, restaurants and “Hallmark” cards all rake in huge amounts of much needed revenue on that special day. In fact many of them rely on Valentine’s Day sales for financial survival.

Lovers in the twenty first century cannot simply satisfy each other with kind words, cuddles, kisses and lovemaking as they might have in the 1300’s. Instead they feel a need to spend some money in order to prove their love and devotion to each other. It seems that our modern world has replaced natural, wholesome relationships where love is based on simple caring and sharing with relationships where love is measured by the amount of currency expended on it. That may sound somewhat cynical, but if given the choice between a kiss on the lips, a box of chocolates, or an exotic vacation as a Valentine’s gift, which would the average North American prefer? Which would they be more impressed by and which would they be more likely to remember in years to come? I think the answer is obvious.

It would be nice to think that when lovers sacrifice their cash for their mates, they are emulating St. Valentine who sacrificed his life for his religion.

Sadly that is probably not the case. We live in a world where the value of money has taken on such epic importance that it has become synonymous with, and inseparable from expressions of generosity, charity, kindness, and yes...love itself.

This Valentine’s Day why not break out of the mold?

Now that we know that St. Valentine died not for his lover, but for his religion, let’s do something more meaningful than buying candy, jewellery or trips.

Why not spend the night at home just cuddling and kissing and give the money you save to a worthy charity?  That way we can show our love for mankind, and uphold some of the principles that St. Valentine died for. After all, there are a lot of people in the world who need help and there are worse things than cuddling and kissing the one you love.

Valentine’s Day really is for lovers!

All the Best

Wayne Kehl

10 Tips To Overcome Bad Thoughts

Do you ever find yourself thinking bad thoughts about someone else?

Do you ever think bad thoughts about yourself?

Here is an easier question: “Are You Human?” If your answer to this one is YES, then you can honestly answer YES to the first two questions. Bad thoughts are human but we should not let them control us.

Human beings, above all other animals on the planet possess the wonderful ability to reason. In most situations we tend to think before we act. Unlike less intelligent species, before we do almost anything, we imagine possible results and potential pitfalls. We think about how our actions and reactions might help us, harm us, propel us forward or hold us back. We thrive on information and we fill our heads with all kinds of thoughts and ideas about how we should live our lives. We are the superior species on earth because we think a lot, learn a lot, reason a lot and do a lot of incredible things after a good deal of intellectual assessment.

Sometimes because of external influences or internal fears, our thoughts become negative.

We might imagine that someone or something in our lives might harm us in some way or we might think that for some reason, we are not capable of doing something that we need to do in order to succeed. When our thoughts turn to black, our mood will change for the worse and our performance will begin to lag. During those down periods we will often say or do things that are not characteristic of our usual behavior. In the worst cases, we might even strike out at those around us or withdraw into solitude in order to avoid the source of our trepidations. We might turn away from people who matter to us and people who only want the best for us.

The worst thing about bad thoughts is that they put our lives on hold.

While we are under the control of bad thoughts, we stop trying, we stop doing and we fail to get on with living. We should never allow a bad thought to stop us from doing something that must be done or something that we really want to do. Despite the fact that we all want to avoid them, human beings allow bad thoughts to consume them and take charge of their lives every day! Bad thoughts, when allowed to rule are the enemies of optimism, the thieves of enthusiasm and the killers of motivation.

Often our bad thoughts will consume us for extended periods.

During those times, we will be depressed, impatient, uncommunicative, anxious or confrontational. Our human, negative energy will bubble to the surface and change our normal demeanour into something that is unpalatable to others. In essence our internal bad thoughts can ultimately become our external reality as we drive people away from us while becoming sad, lonely spectres of our normal selves.

Do not allow your bad thoughts to control you. Here are some tips to help you recognize and take control of your own negative energy. You can do all of them, some of them, or just one. The important thing is to do something.

When a bad thought enters your mind:

1. ASK YOURSELF, “WHAT IS THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN?” (If the answer does not include death or physical harm, you will be much more likely to move past it.)

2. SETTLE DOWN. (Take a deep breath and think about some good things in your life. Tell yourself that you are a good person with a good life and that you can get beyond the current set-back.)

3. SAY IT OUT LOUD. (You can say it alone behind closed doors, or you can say it to a trusted confidant. Once you have verbalized your thoughts, they become much easier to deal with.)

4. TALK TO A FRIEND, A CLOSE RELATIVE, A TRUSTED CO-WORKER OR SOMEONE ELSE WHO WILL LISTEN. (You need to hear an alternative point-of-view in order to put things into perspective.)

5. SEEK OUT A RESOLUTION. (You can work on the problem with another person or you can think of a variety of courses of action and positive resolutions on your own.)

6. WRITE IT DOWN. (Write down the bad thought and read it over. Then right down all of the possible outcomes of it...both positive and negative. When you see it in writing it will take on a different look.)

7. IF IT INVOLVES ANOTHER PERSON, GIVE THEM A BREAK. (Think about the fact that nothing good ever comes from negativity and that forgiveness is the antidote to hard feelings.)

8. CONFRONT IT HEAD-ON. (If you have a bad thought, it has to be given life before it can die a natural death. Face the situation and deal with it in an open, honest, courageous but sensitive way.)

9. FORGIVE YOURSELF. (Human beings tend to be hard on themselves. You need to be able to accept that you will make mistakes sometimes and that you are better than you think you are at that moment.)

10. DEAL WITH IT RIGHT AWAY! (Do not allow a bad thought to grow and fester in your mind. If left unfettered a bad thought can grow into a major tragedy or a life-changing trauma before you know it.

Overcoming bad thoughts must be a deliberate, conscious and extraordinarily positive act.

From now on, when a bad thought enters your mind remember that it must not be allowed to control you. Take time out of your busy day to think about it, eliminate it, and move on to more positive thoughts as quickly as you can.

All the Best!

Wayne Kehl

How To Be A Bad Leader Video

A New Year's Wish For Leaders

Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbours, and let every New Year find you a better man or woman.”

~Benjamin Franklin

Oh, if we could all just follow Benjamin Franklin’s advice, what a wonderful world it would be. Why must we all find fault with each other while carrying anger and hatred into the world? Why do so many of us want to see others fail so that we can succeed and why do we defend our lies as if they are truths?

Why are human beings so flawed, and why is each one of us so tragically human?

During the Christmas season the world is full of love and goodwill toward all mankind. Almost immediately after that, the New Year comes along and millions of folks make resolutions that most will never comply with. For those two days of the year we practice universal love and make conscious decisions to be better men and women.

For the rest of the year, most of us simply go back to being the people we are and have always been with the inevitable consequences…wars rage on, crime rates escalate, court room waiting lists get longer, people die in alcohol related accidents, ordinary people die from substance abuse, others die from lung cancer, strokes, heart disease and violence; obesity levels grow and we all continue our race to self-induced oblivion.

It seems that most of us cannot sustain a conscious effort to be better men and women for more than a couple of days each year.

This year, why not become a leader to everyone in your life?

Why not set the example by overcoming your vices, putting aside your anger, adopting an attitude of pure positive thoughts and actions and by making a concerted effort to be a better person?

Can you do it? Can you be the one person who will make a difference? You probably cannot change the world single-handedly, but you can make a difference in your environment and you can make improvements in your own life that others will notice.

Forget about societal, cultural, employment related, success driven, peer pressure-induced urges and just do what you know is right. Resist the vices that you know are not helping you succeed, always put on a smile for everyone you meet, reach for positive thoughts in every situation and always do your best. Most importantly, make a deliberate effort to be a better person. If you do that, you will never suffer from guilt of any kind and you will be a model for everyone you meet. In some way, large or small, you will be a leader of mankind.

Benjamin Franklin lived from 1706 to 1790 and yet he observed the same human behaviour that we all live with in 2012. Take a page out of his book and be someone who leads others to a better world.

It is never too late to set a great example for others. Your goodness will always be noticed and appreciated.

All the Best!



Wayne Kehl

We Should Honour Christmas All Year Long

"I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year."

~ Charles Dickens (1812-1870), English author. From, “A Christmas Carol”

I was quite taken by this quote from Charles Dickens. This line from “A Christmas Carol” reminds us of the fact that for most people, the true spirit of kindness and giving is with us for only one day of each year. As much as we might like to honour the spirit of Christmas throughout the year, it is not long after December 25th that we return to our old habits and vices…we return to being normal, flawed human beings.

People of many lands have chosen Christmas as a reason to be kind, generous, and warm to all others.

Large scale wars all over the world will have cease-fires during the Christmas holiday. People who seldom speak take the time to write and send greeting cards to each other. Everywhere you go people of all races, creeds, colours and genders can be heard shouting, “Merry Christmas!” to almost anyone they come into contact with. Despite the commercial implications of it, Christmas genuinely brings peace on earth and goodwill to all men and women. Smiles abound and anger is put on hold for two or three glorious days. Everyone seems to want to impose the best part of mankind on everyone else during the few days surrounding December 25th.

How sad it is that we cannot carry those good feelings, thoughts, emotions and actions with us 365 days of every year.

If we could just remember the deep seated emotions that flood our hearts, souls, and minds on Christmas morning; if we could only treat everyone the way we treated our friends and family during Christmas dinner; if we could just feel that way and treat everyone with that much kindness all year long, the world would be a glorious place indeed.

Like Ebenezer Scrooge, try to honour the Christmas spirit all year long. You will be rewarded with the gift of joy and the precious present of a peaceful mind.

Merry Christmas to one and all!

Wayne Kehl

Can A Woman Be A Great Leader Of Men? VIDEO

Watch this video to find out if a woman can be a great leader of men:

Hi Folks. I’m Wayne Kehl and today I am going to ask you something that you might just find a little bit shocking. Here is my question: “can a woman be a great leader of men?”......Oh...I can hear the gasps right through the screen of my computer. However, I think it is a valid question because from my experiences, the battle of the sexes is not over yet. We still have not achieved full equality for women in business. What you are about to see is a discussion of women in leadership roles

If we are going to have an intelligent discussion about women in leadership position, I believe we must accept that women and men do not, and in most cases probably should not, lead in the same fashion. Women think differently than men and their natural tendencies are driven by different motives than men. In short, women and men are different...and thank God for that!

The differences between men and women are physiological, hormonal and historical. Those are things we cannot do anything about. However, as much as we cannot turn the clock back and rewrite history, I believe it is possible for us to change the future.

My belief is that women who want to be great leaders should not devalue their femininity by emulating the leadership traits of men. They should, celebrate their femaleness by bringing all of the amazing female qualities they have at their disposal to their leadership positions. They should think like women, act like women and look like women at all times. Women who change their inherent style to become more like men when they move into leadership positions are fooling know one. We all know they are women and we become uncomfortable when they appear to be moving away from their female nature and character.

Women make up fifty percent of the population. Because of the plethora of ladies around us, men have a pretty good understanding of what makes them tick. Most men have an undying love and respect for their mothers and would do almost anything to support and protect them. They will step in front of a hurtling freight train to save their wives from harm and they would fight a grizzly bear with a small stick to defend their daughters. Men are hard wired to treat women well and do everything they can to make their lives better.

Despite the natural tendency of men to protect women from harm, bullying and sexual harassment are not uncommon in the workplace. When the testosterone-driven positions of power that men hold dear are threatened by the scent of female hormones, they tend to drop their naturally protective instincts and go into fight mode. If a woman in a superior position takes on an aggressive, demanding stance, many men will see her as the enemy and will do any number of unspeakable things to engineer her demise. Even some WOMEN will see a dominant, masculine leadership style from another woman as a foreign and unpalatable.

At this point, you might think I am already in too deep and should quit while I am ahead. Well I not quite done yet and in order to illustrate my point, I want to tell you a story about a great female leader I have actually worked with....I will call her, Debbie for the purposes of this story. Please keep watching.

Debbie was known to be intelligent, knowledgeable and conscientious. For decades she performed well in important project management and product development positions. She was a great resource for a large number of employees, managers, and executive leaders. She was highly regarded, well liked, and highly valued for her work. The day she was promoted to vice president of sales however, marked a change in the way almost everyone in the company viewed her and in the general expectations everyone had of her.

It is important to note that the position Debbie was promoted to, had only been occupied by men in the past. She was given the responsibility not only for the overall sales of her division, but for the day-to-day sales activities of a large number of mature, aggressive, crusty male sales people. Not only were these fellows set in their ways, but they had never been led by a woman before and they had no idea what to expect.

Debbie had a big choice to make. She could continue to be the intelligent, kind, nurturing female she had always been, or she could morph into a hard, demanding, command and control leader. If she had betrayed her natural tendencies to care for and nurture her direct reports, she might have failed. However, she had enough faith in herself to avoid becoming something she was not. Instead, she led her division with kindness, caring, and a nurturing spirit. She held her direct reports accountable, but instead of making demands and finding fault, she offered support and encouragement.

When things went badly, Debbie proactively offered her help and rather than criticizing, lecturing, or disciplining, she coached, counselled and assisted. When things went well, she provided acknowledgement, praise and celebration. At all times, she exuded pride in her team and she fought for them like a mother bear. Her devotion to her work-family was obvious to all and it was rewarded with true loyalty and almost universal respect.

In fairness, it is safe to say that Debbie had to work harder and put in more effort than any man in the position before her in order to win over the men who reported to her. However, within a year she had gained their respect and admiration. Once she had made her mark as a serious leader, it was not uncommon to hear her male reports singing her praises and making it clear that she was the best sales manager they had ever worked with. They knew she cared about them and that she was there for them no matter what happened. She also became an icon for female employees, who admired her and considered her a role model for all other women in business.

She thought like a woman, she acted like a woman, she looked like a woman...and she succeeded like a man!

Can a woman be a great leader of men? Yes she can especially if she always remembers that its okay to be a woman! Thanks ladies for everything you do.

All the Best

I’m Wayne Kehl

Order Wayne's book "A Man On Women" here

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